Never a dull moment
A story in four parts.
PART I
"Right, that's that Hazel" said the Colonel, "You've signed all the paperwork, Follyfoot now belongs to you."
"Are you sure that's what you want Geoffrey" said Bricklebank, his solicitor. "What about Dora?."
"Ah yes, Dora," replied the Colonel. "It's been two weeks now since she walked out the door, said she'd had enough. She was going
through a bad patch." "So did Captain Hook" exclaimed Ron. "What do you mean?" asked Slugger.
"Well, 'Ee normally bought 'is eye patches from a reputable store, but once 'ee used one that 'ee got out of a Xmas cracker, turned
out to be faulty, it 'ad a sharp piece of plastic sticking out of the corner."
"Blimey, 'ee was lucky it didn't take his eye out" replied Slugger.
"Dora'll come back when she's ready" said Steve. "But the police havn't found her" exclaimed Callie.
"Well that don't mean much" replied Ron, "Bert the bobby couldn't find a salt cellar in a chip shop,"
"Yeah" answered Slugger, "Some of them basements are a bit hard to find."
"What're you talking about Slugger" said a bemused Colonel.
"Where them chip shops keep their bags of salt" answered Slugger, "Under the floorboards. Bert probably wouldn't find them . 'Ere,
wonder where they keep all the vinegar, must be somewhere where it can't go off."
"Can't go off" exclaimed Steve, "Vinegar doesn't go off Slugs. It preserves things and keeps them fresh. It lasts forever, people
pickle vegetables and stuff in it."
"Better put your brain in some then Slugs" said Hazel laughing.
"No need to" said Ron, "It gets pickled every Saturday night when he's on 'is own made dandelion wine."
"We're supposed to be talking about how the police havn't found Dora yet" sighed Callie.
"Oh for Heavens sake everyone" exclaimed the Colonel, "No wonder Dora disappeared."
" 'Ere, it's not our fault" answered Slugger.
"Nah" continued Ron, "Her last words were "I've done all I can, I think it's time for Hazel to take over. It's no ones fault. It's just the
time's right for me to go."
"I didn't want Dora to go" said Hazel, "But I'll do my best taking over Follyfoot."
"Well it doesn't look like Dora's going to return Colonel" said Callie.
"No, no it doesn't" he replied. "Come on Hazel, I'll show you the office work that you'll need to do." They disappeared into the office.
Bricklebank drove off.
"Didn't Dora say anything to you Callie about what she might do or where she might go?" asked Steve.
"No I don't think so" she replied. "What do you mean you don't think so" answered Steve, "Did she say something?".
"What about you Slugger" said Callie, "Did she confide in you?". "Well we talked about it" replied Slugger, "Dora was coming to the
end of her tether."
"What's going on here" shouted Steve, "You both know something." He banged his fist on the table.
" 'Ere Steve, Steve me old mate, calm down a bit" said Ron, "Just because Dora spoke to all of us about it but not you don't mean
nothin' " he said grinning, winding him up.
"I won't calm down" bellowed Steve, "I expect everyone knows where she is except me." He banged his fist on the table again, harder.
One of the pictures of a horse fell of the wall, the glass shattered as it hit the floor.
"Oh gawd" said Slugger, "Now look what you've gawn and done. That was one of the Colonel's favourites, it was here when he
bought the farm. What with Hazel and now you we'll keep Tockwith Picture Repair and Reframing Services in work."
Steve picked the picture up. "Hey" he exclaimed, "There's something taped to the back of it, a piece of paper, it's gone all brown
with age, must've been there a long time. Better tell the Colonel." "Nah 'ees busy with Hazel " said Ron, "Let's 'ave a look what it says."
Ron opened it up. "Blimey" he said, "It's a map showing where there's treasure buried at Follyfoot. it's dated 1856."
"Treasure" exclaimed Slugger, "Buried 'ere?".
"Yeah" replied Ron reading it. "Apparently someone called Lord Ofsol lived 'ere then and buried all his gold, jewellery and riches 'ere.
It'll be worth a fortune."
Slugger took the paper and showed it to the Colonel. "Never heard about this" he said. "Still, it shows exactly where the treasure is."
Steve followed the written instructions, he paced from the farmhouse doorway, turned west, then paced again.
"Here's where it's buried" said Steve. "The exact spot."
"Oh gawd blimey" exclaimed Slugger. "I don't believe it."
"It can't be" said Ron.
"It is" replied Callie.
"Good Heavens" gasped the Colonel.
"However did they bury it there?" asked Hazel.
The spot was where the Lightning Tree stood. "He must've buried it there and planted the tree on top of it" deduced the Colonel.
Ron disappeared into a shed and reappeared with a large band saw.
"Good Lord" exclaimed the Colonel, "Stop, stop, we can't cut down the Lightning Tree." "Whyever not?" asked Ron.
"Well, for a start, it would break Dora's heart" he replied.
"But Dora 'ain't 'ere is she" said Ron, "And she ain't likely to be."
"What do you think Hazel?" asked Steve. "You're in charge."
"We could all be rich" answered Hazel, "I say we cut it down. We can replace it with another tree." Steve and Ron each took an end
of the saw and gripped it tight and got into position.
"Ready?" said Ron.
"Ready" replied Steve.
The blade was almost touching the Lightning Tree. Hazel smiled.
"No, stop! stop!," shouted a familiar voice. It was the voice of Dora. She stood there at the gate. Steve and Ron dropped the saw.
" 'Ere careful you numbskulls" said Slugger hopping around, "You nearly 'ad me foot off there."
"Dora" exclaimed the Colonel, "Where have you been?. We've all been so worried." Everyone looked relieved and smiled.
"I went for a little holiday in Cornwall" she replied, "To give me time to think. And now I come back to this. There was nearly a nasty
accident there."
"You're right there girl" replied Slugger, counting his toes. "Good to see you back."
"I mean the Lightning Tree" said Dora. "I'm only gone a fortnight and already you're trying to cut my tree down. What's going on?"
"We're looking for buried treasure" replied Ron, showing her the note. "We found it behind a picture in the farmhouse. It's dated 1856."
"Yes" said Dora, reading it. "The first of April, 1856." "Is it" replied Ron, "I only looked at the year,"
"Signed by Lord Ofsol" sighed Dora. "Ofsol - An anagram of fools. April 1st, all fools day. And written in blue biro, 32 years before the
biro was invented." "Blimey" said Slugger. "Do you think it's a fake then."
"I think there's a fair chance" replied Dora......."I don't know, I've only been gone 5 minutes, good job I came back."
"Hazel's in charge now" said Steve, "She authorized us to cut it down."
"Uncle" exclaimed Dora, "What's going on?". "Well I didn't think you were returning" he said.
"Yes I can see that" replied Dora, as Ron dragged the saw back to it's shed, a wary Slugger standing well away.
"I think someone played a trick on us" said a thoughtful Steve. "Someone wanted us to cut the Lightning Tree down."
"Well it wern't me" answered Ron, "The farm wouldn't be Follyfoot without the tree."
"Definitely" continued Callie, "I think the tree's fantastic, terrific, impressive, outstanding, phenomenal, monumental, fabulous,
awesome, wicked, and..."
"Tree-mendous?" smiled Steve.
"Oh yes, that as well" said Callie.
"So who was it" asked the Colonel. They all looked at Hazel. Her face had gone red.
"Yes, it was me" answered Hazel. "I wrote that on a piece of old paper I found in Slugger's drawers."
"Blimey" said Ron, "You're a brave girl rummaging about in Slugger's smalls."
"I meant in his kitchen drawer" she said. "I thought Slugger would find the note when he dusted the picture."