"I would have loved to have been an astronaut and gone to the moon" said my overweight mother in law a couple of years ago
as she tucked into a plate of four beefburgers chips onion rings and a pint of Guinness.
"Fantastic idea" I said. "What, me going into outer space" she replied.
"No" I said, "I've been struggling for a name for my new online greeting card company.
On my first date with this girl she asked what I did for a living. "I spend my day's chasing down leads, cleaning up the streets
and protecting the vulnerable" I said. "What, you're in the police force" she said. "No" I replied, "I'm a dog walker."
I watched a documentary last night about people walking on hot coals. It was soul destroying.
I was looking at this bloke whose lips had large steel spikes in it. "What're you looking at" he said, "I choose to be an individual
and I can still do anything you can." "Oh yeah" I said, try blowing a balloon up."
A Google executive has died on Everest due to the Nepal earthquake. A Google spokesperson said nothing could be done to
save him despite him being found in about 0.53 seconds.