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Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 69196 times)

Offline pete.r.

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #90 on: June 23, 2015, 02:39:49 PM »
I left school with a C, an A and two E's. If I'd been quicker I could have got all the letters off  the canteen door.

If you look at the last 4 letters of brain it confirms that it's made up of 80% water.

I'm a referees assistant. It's not my main job, more of a sideline.

I've just been reading a book called "How to deal with nosey neighbours" through next doors window using my binoculars.

I ran alongside the train this morning, tearfully waving as it left the platform, just so everyone thought I actually have a girlfriend.

My mate called me on my mobile today and asked "What's the 2nd largest state in America?"
"Texas" I replied.
30 seconds later I got a message saying "What's the 2nd largest state in America?"

I'm not saying my credit rating's bad but the bank wouldn't even lend me a pen to fill in the loan application.
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Offline Tony

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #91 on: June 23, 2015, 06:53:35 PM »
 ;D  >41<
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Offline Jane

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #92 on: June 23, 2015, 08:22:07 PM »
 ;D Love the nosey neighbour one  :D
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Offline Pen.

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #93 on: June 24, 2015, 12:16:54 AM »
Hahaha!  Texas!  Hahaha ;D ;D
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Offline Lord Charles

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #94 on: June 24, 2015, 08:07:37 AM »
 ;D ;D >41<
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Offline Loopy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #95 on: June 24, 2015, 10:54:01 PM »
;D I like the referee's assistant one
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Offline MidnightZodiac

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #96 on: June 26, 2015, 08:31:10 PM »
Two local lads were arrested after breaking into the local shop and stealing a car battery and some fireworks... One was charged, but the other one was let off.
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Offline Loopy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #97 on: June 26, 2015, 09:37:11 PM »
Quote from: MidnightZodiac on June 26, 2015, 08:31:10 PM
Two local lads were arrested after breaking into the local shop and stealing a car battery and some fireworks... One was charged, but the other one was let off.


A real  >16< MZ but very funny   >14<
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Offline Jane

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #98 on: June 27, 2015, 06:14:53 AM »
 >104<
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Offline pete.r.

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #99 on: June 28, 2015, 11:56:52 AM »
Went to the Doctors today to try and get an appointment to see my Doctor. The receptionist was scary. "What can I do for you" she
barked. "I'd like to take you on a date" I said. "I've never been asked on a date before" she gushed, "When were you thinking?"
"August 14th." I replied, "That's seven weeks from today. I'll write it down on a bit of paper for you and don't be late otherwise
I'll have to give it to someone else."

I finally won the"Early morning condensation spotters award". To be honest I think it was over dew.

My supermarket delivery van arrived with 50 cans of lager and a 2 kilo bag of mixed salad.
"Healthy diet I see" said the driver sarcastically.
"I try my best" I replied, "But it's getting the pet rabbit off the Stella that's the problem."

My mates an electrician and he's just been awarded a knighthood, he's now known as Sir Kit Breaker.

I've just bought a film on DVD about a prisoner that finally gets parole. I've waited ages for it to be released.
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Offline Jane

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #100 on: June 28, 2015, 12:38:50 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D
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Offline Loopy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #101 on: June 28, 2015, 02:07:43 PM »
I like the last two Pete   ;D
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Offline Lord Charles

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #102 on: June 28, 2015, 05:54:01 PM »
 ;D ;D
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Offline MidnightZodiac

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #103 on: June 28, 2015, 07:00:21 PM »
 >41< >104< >104<
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Offline Pen.

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #104 on: June 28, 2015, 07:50:35 PM »
 >16< >16< >16<
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