An Easter fun day at Follyfoot

[pete.r.]

A story in four parts

PART I

It was the week before Easter. Everyone was sat relaxing after a hard days work (except Ron who'd
been relaxing all day). Slugger was in his chair reading his newspaper munching a hazlenut. Ron
peered over his shoulder.
"Oh, doin the crossword are we Slugs, not done much. In fact not done any at all" said Ron.
"That's because I'm not doin' the crossword Ron, I'm reading this article about young lads who were
cheeky to their elders during the Han dnyasty" replied Slugger.
"Really, what happened to 'em then?" said Ron sarcastically.
"They were castrated" said Slugger, as he placed a hazlenut in his nutcrackers and with a sharp
squeeze cracked it open.
Ron gave a look of fear.
Dora pretended not to hear.
Steve, busy reading, said "Oh dear".

"Ere Slugs, said Ron, 1 across, Adam and ---, 3 letters. I know this one. It's ant".
"Ant," said Steve, looking up from his Horse and Hounds magazine. "How'd you work that out Ron?"
"Well, he's a pop singer ain't he" replied Ron." Adam Ant. So 1 down, a type of fish 3 letters begins
with "A".
"That's a 'Ake" said Slugger. lovely with chips and mushy peas"
"Thats Hake" said Steve raising his voice, H-A-K-E, spelling it out," And it doesn't fit."
"Bit touchy today aren't we" replied Ron," No need for a cross word."
"I'm trying to read my magazine" Steve said, "I think you'll find 1 across is Eve and 1 down is eel" He
looked down and carried on reading.
"Think you'll find thats heel" said ron," H-E-E-L, and it doesn't fit."
"For Heavens sake" said Steve.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Slugger answered it. There was an elderly man at the door.
"This is Follyfoot isn't it?" he asked. "Home for unwanted horses."
"Yeah" Slugger replied, "Well it is when it's not being used as an establishment for compiling
crossword clues."
"Can I help?" said Dora. "Yes" he replied. "I'm Fred Lockton, I've got a problem with my pony. All
of a sudden he won't take notice of anything I say, I think there's something wrong with him."
"Have you seen the vet?" said Dora.
"Not since last time I took him, five years ago, cost me an arm and a leg. I can't afford his prices.
Could you have a look at him for me?"
"Of course" said Dora," Bring him in tomorrow, what's his name?"
"Adam" said Fred.
"'Ere, does he have a sister by any chance" said Slugger, "3 letters?"
"Well yes he does" said Fred, "Her names Caz."
"Caz!" said Slugger and Ron together, filling in 1 across.
"'Ere that makes 1 down cod" said Ron.
"Yeah" said Slugger, "Lovely with chips and mushy peas."
"I can't stand any more" said Steve, "I'm going up to my loft. And you can both go to 4 down!"
"Oooh" said Ron, looking at the clue- Where the Devil lives.

Next day Fred brought Adam to Follyfoot. "I'll call back later in the week" he said. Dora spent the
morning with him. Later on Dora went into the house. Steve was still reading his magazine.
"Hi Steve" she said. Steve was really into the story he was reading. "Hi Steve" she shouted. Steve
was in a world of his own he didn't hear her. He got up and walked out. The Colonel was sat there.
"Uncle", she said, looking out of the window at Adam who was in his stable. "I think there's
something wrong with him. I think he's going deaf."
"Are you sure Dora" the Colonel replied.
"I think so" she said. "He doesn't seem to hear me when I talk to him."
"Well, if you think so Dora, I've a friend who may be able to help. I'll ask him to come over and check
him out for you."
"Thanks Uncle" replied Dora.

Next day there was a knock at the door. Steve opened it.
"Are you Steve?" said a man in a dark suit.
"Yes" said Steve.
"Could I have a word with you?" said the man, lowering his voice.
"Of course" said Steve,
"Can you hear me alright" he said, now speaking very quietly. "My names Doctor Stone."
"Yes" said Steve, also lowering his voice.
"Could I have a word with the Colonel?" he said, now in a really quiet voice.
"Of course" whispered Steve, "He's in his Study." The Doctor went through.

"Hello Geoffrey" The doctor said.
"Good of you to come from the Ears nose and throat clinic" said the Colonel. "How are you?"
"Fine" he replied, "And so is Steve. He's definitely not going deaf, I've just spoken with him."
"Just what I thought" said the Colonel, "But Dora was insistent. Sorry to have bothered you Sidney."
"No problem" he replied, "Good to see you again."

Later on that day the Colonel saw Dora in the yard with Adam.
"I had my friend come and check him over" he said," And he said he's definitely not deaf."
"Are you sure" said Dora, stroking Adam.
"Yes" replied the Colonel, "He's an expert in his field. He suggests if he makes out he can't hear you
again, just tell him a young filly called at the farm asking after him, his ears should soon prick up."
"Won't be just his ears" muttered Slugger, as he walked past.
"What was that?" said the Colonel, patting his pipe down with tobacco.
"I said -Don't trust those rears" replied Slugger." Funny things 'orses."
"Yes, quite. said the Colonel. "And not just 'orses."

To be continued..........

[pete.r.]

PART 2

Next day Fred came to pick Adam up.
"Couldn't find anything wrong with him" said Dora," We had an expert to look at him and he got the
all-clear."
"More than can be said for the Colonel" said Steve, "A doctor came to see him yesterday, strange man,
every sentence he spoke was in a different volume." "Bit like your radio Slugs" said Ron. "It works
intermittantly." "Bit like you then Ron" Slugger replied. "'Cept I don't think you've ever been on full
volume."

Fred took Adam back home. Dora went to see the Colonel.
"Uncle, are you alright?" she asked," Steve says a Doctor Stone came to see you. Are you ill?."
"Good Lord no" replied the Colonel, "Sidney, Doctor Stone, was the chap I called in to see Steve about
his deafness. Apparently his nickname's" Stone Deaf" at the clinic" he chuckled.
"But it wasn't Steve, it was Fred's horse Adam that I thought had a hearing problem" replied Dora.
"Well I never"  said the Colonel, still laughing over his little joke, "Bit of a Faux Pas there."
"Who's got a new car" said Slugger. "Don't you start" said Dora, "Got enough with hearing problems
at the moment as it is without any more."

Next day Dora went back to Freds to explain everything. "Steves been reading in his magazine about
this problem. It could just be an ear infection. Apparently there's a medication the vet could give you
and it might cure it. Our vet's very reasonable, the Colonel's had a word with him, here's his name
and address." "Alright said Fred, I'll go and see him. Thanks Dora."

Next day everyone was having breakfast, in walked the Colonel.
"Right" he said," We need to boost the funds here at the farm, they're running a bit low. Someone suggested
we should have an Easter fun day at Follyfoot, should boost the coffers a bit. What do you think?"
"What idiot came up with that idea" said Ron, cramming his mouth full of food.
"Well, actually, it was me" said the Colonel.
Ron almost choked on his breakfast.
"Great idea Colonel" smiled Steve. Slugger gave Ron a hearty pat on the back, almost knocking him
off his chair.
"When's it to be?" asked Dora.
"Next week" replied the Colonel. "Easter Sunday. Here's the plan of action. Slugger, you'll be in charge
of the barbeque."
"Oh no," said Steve, "Not sausages. Tell me it's not sausages. Or eggs."
"No" replied the Colonel. Hot cross buns. "Novel idea, I thought."
"Especially with it being Easter" murmered Ron.
"They'll be 400 altogether Slugger. They come ready sliced, all you have to do is toast them on the
barbeque then put them on a hot plate. The customers butter them themselves and put them on a
plastic plate. It's easy and foolproof."
"Foolproof" said Ron, "We're talking here about someone who's got through four non-stick frying
pans already this year."
"Yes" said Steve, "Allowing for burnt, cindered, blackened, charred and the ones dropped on the floor,
better order about 700 Colonel."
"'Ere, better warn the Fire Brigade to cancel any leave for that day while we're at it" said Ron.

"Steve," continued the Colonel, "You'll be in charge of taking the youngsters for rides around the farm,
we'll hook the trailer to the Land Rover, and put bales of hay for them to sit on. Then, as a surprise
for the children, half way round you stop at a specially prepared table, and they all help themselves
to an Easter egg."
"Oh what another novel idea for Easter" said Ron.
"Ah, Ron Stryker" said the Colonel. "Well, as your a bit of a sponger and like to take it easy all day,
I've the perfect job for you. Your games going to be called "Soak the rabbit". You'll sit on a chair all day,
dressed as an Easter Bunny, whilst the children throw wet sponges at you. Is that novel enough?. Heres
your outfit. Now hop over there and try it on."
"Very funny" said Ron.

"Dora, you'll be in charge of donkey rides for the children, bare in mind that they'll be a lot of noise and
squealing."
"That's right" said Steve, "And most of it from Ron." They all laughed. Ron scowled and ripped a huge
piece of toast in half with his teeth.
"Trouble is Uncle", sais Dora, "Our donkeys don't like people riding on them, especially noisy children."
"I've thought of that" the Colonel replied. "We'll use that deaf pony of Freds. He won't be affected by
the noise at all. We'll put these false donkey ears I've bought over his, they just strap on, and this grey
blanket on his back, I've made a cross on it with black tape. He'll look just like a donkey."

There was a silence.
"Are all the kids coming to this fun day going to be stupid" said Ron.
"Or blind," said Slugger.
"Then we'll give the children short donkey rides past palm leaves on the floor. Like in the Bible" said the Colonel.
"Well, what do you think?"
"I think they'll need to be both" said Ron.
"Well I'm sorry" said the Colonel, "But it's the best I can do. I'm sure It'll work. Next Sunday it is. Oh
and by the way, Callies coming to help out as well. She'll be at the gate taking the money, she's got
her head on right."
"Probably more than can be said for Ron time the kids have finished with him" laughed Steve.

The next day everyone was busy arranging things for the fun day. Dora went to see Fred and asked if
she could borrow Adam for her donkey rides. "He'll be perfect, he won't hear all the noise" she said.
"It won't bother him."
"O.k.  said Fred. "I've just started giving him the medication from the vet, but he says it may never
clear up, we've just got to wait now, but it's the least I can do to lend you Adam to help repay you for
your kindness."

Ron and Slugger were busy putting wooden signs up that said "Easter fun day at Follyfoot".
Ron held the pointed stick to the ground, Slugger stood there with his sledgehammer.
"Right Slugs" said Ron," When I nod my head you hit it."
"Don't give me any ideas Ron" said Slugger, lifting the hammer up in the air.

Callie came over to help Steve clear the trailer out and load the bales of hay into it, although she spent
most of the time talking to Steve and picking up bits of fallen hay.
"I don't think he could have managed without me" she told Dora afterwards, "We work so well together,
like a sort of husband and wife team. I have to keep him at arms length of course."
"Of course " said Dora.

The Colonel was busy advertising the event in the local paper and shop windows and arranged a short
radio interview.
"The reporters coming Good Friday" he said, "At 2.00 p.m. to do a live interview with us all so make sure
you're all here ready."

To be continued.........

[pete.r.]

PART 3

Good Friday came and so did the reporter. There were wires everywhere and a microphone.
Everyone was nervous.
"Right" said the reporter, "My names Rupert. Who shall we interview first. Ah yes, this elderly gentleman."
"Eh" said Slugger, looking around.
"Right, we're live on air in ten seconds" said Rupert.
"'Ave I got time to go to the toilet" said Slugger.
"No need to be nervous, just forget there are thousands of people listening in live. Right, what's your name?"
asked Rupert.
"Er, it's er, Slagger. Er, no I mean Slogger. 'Ang on, no it's er, Slugger."
"Right Sludger " said Rupert, "And what are you doing at the fun day on Sunday."
"Er, I'm doing a barkyboo, I mean a barbeque" stammered Slugger, holding up his apron as if everyone
could see it.
"Oh great" replied Rupert, "You're doing sausages and burgers. Wonderful."
"Er, no, Cross bot huns" said Slugger.
"So you're cooking a culinary gastronomic cuisine then Sludger"
"No, I er, I mean hot cross buns" Slugger answered, now getting hot and cross himself.

"Right, whose next, are yes this good looking young man."
Ron stepped forward smiling. Rupert walked past him and went towards Steve.
"And what's your name handsome?"
"Ross."
"O.k. Ross, and what's your surname?"
"It's Ross."
"How unusual, Ross Ross. Well I won't ask you what your middle name is. And what will you be doing
tomorrow Ross?"
"Steve" he replied.
"No, my names Rupert, not Steve, get it right for the listeners Ross, otherwise they'll be confused."
"I'll be picking people up and they'll be having rides on me, then they'll be having a nibble half way through."
"Ooooh that sounds interesting" said Rupert, "Think I might turn up myself tomorrow and have a go at that."

"Now who's next, are yes, this young lady."
"My names Dora, and I'm bringing a special friend to the fun day. He'll be giving children short rides on
his back and he's deaf."
"Oh, didn't realise Quasimodo would be coming" said Rupert.
"No, his name's Adam and he's a pony" Dora replied. "But he'll be dressed as a donkey."
"Sounds like a silly ass to me" Rupert quipped.

"And who else have we here, hiding behind the settee?"
Ron's face popped up, a silly smile on it.
"What's your name and what will you be doing?"
"My name's Ron.
Stryker."
"That's interesting Ron, striker eh, you must be doing a Punch and Judy stall. You'll love him children, he's
wearing a silly ginger wig" said Rupert.
"Eh" said Ron. Slugger pretended to give his hair a good pull.
"No I'm a rabbit" replied Ron.
"A rabbit, well, that makes a change from a crocodile being hit by Mr Punch said Rupert.

"Right, that's everyone then."
"No, you've missed me out" said Callie, grabbing hold of the microphone. "I'm Callie Holmes, I'll be taking
the entrance money at the gate, since going decimal they'll be relying on me to give everyone the right
change."
"That's wonderful Callie, right, we'll have a quick word with the Colonel who organised this event."
"I'm great at mathematics" continued Callie,"Addition, subtraction, division, multiplication........
"Thanks" said Rupert, snatching back the microphone, "Now Colonel"
"And algebra, trigonometry and geometry" said Callie retreiving the microphone.
"Give that back to me" said Rupert, in a tug of war with it.
"And logarithms and calculus" said Callie before Rupert finally prised it from her grasp.
"And when I leave school I'm going to be a radio interviewer too" she shouted.
"Well, you won't be b----y well working with me" said Rupert, covering the microphone with his hand for
a second.
"Right Colonel" he said, wiping beads of sweat from his forehead, "A few quick words from you."

"Hope everyone has a great day on Easter Sunday" said the Colonel, "Looking forward to meeting you all."
"And now" said Rupert, scurrying away from the advancing Callie, "It's over to Silas Sherman in the studio."

To be continued.........

[pete.r.]

PART 4

It was 24 hours since the event. Everyone was sat together. The Colonel had his head in his hands.
"That's it" he said, "I'm finished, done for, ruined, I'm a laughing stock. I can just see the headlines in
tomorrow's newspaper- "The Colonel's Folly".

"I'm sorry" said Dora. "Sorry" said the Colonel, "Sorry. How on earth did you let that donkey, sorry,
pony, throw Mrs Barrett's little girl of it's back. Luckily she landed on a bale of hay, otherwise her mother
would probably have sued me for broken bones."
"He was fine for half an hour" Dora replied. "All of a sudden he must have heard the childrens noise and
it frightened him. Either the medication started working, or those artificial ears we put on him somehow
helped him get his hearing back, maybe they sort of affected him in some way, I don't know."

"And you Steve," said the Colonel," How could you let the Land Rover get out of control, then brake
heavily and throw the Spencer twins out of the trailer and straight into a pile of fresh horse manure? I
expect I'll get a dry cleaning bill from their parents."
"Everything was going fine" said Steve, "I went round the table then suddenly remembered I was
supposed to stop so they could get a mouthful of Easter egg, I hit the brakes and it threw them both out."
"Well they certainly got a mouthful" answered the Colonel, "But it wasn't Easter eggs."

"And you Ron, well I might have expected it I suppose."
"Well", said Ron, "They were supposed to stand behind the line and throw the sponges, that Mark Brewin
stood right in front of me throwing them. It didn't half come keen. And he bent my whiskers."
"Yes" the Colonel replied, "But that was no excuse to tie him to the chair and empty the bucket of water
over his head. He could have caught his death of cold."

"And Slugger. How can anyone set fire to a barbeque stall ?"
"Well" said Slugger, "The hot cross buns were a bit over cooked."
"Find that hard to believe" said Ron.
"So I sprayed it with the water bottle" said Slugger. "'Cept I picked up the wrong bottle and sprayed it
with the liquid petrol that's used to get the coals started. The whole thing went up in a flash."
"Apparently Mrs White didn't mind" said Ron, "Said she liked hers well done."
"Well done," replied the Colonel, "Well done. Its me that's going to be well done when the papers get to hear
of this fiasco."

"And Callie, how could you have short changed Lord Beck by two pounds, I thought you were good
with figures."
"I am" said Callie winking, I never did like him.
"But you can't do that to a Lord, Good Lord" said the Colonel.
"But he's not a good Lord is he" replied Callie.

Suddenly the doorbell rang.
"Get that Slugger could you" said the Colonel.
"Oh gawd" said Slugger opening the door,"It's Mrs Spencer."
"Come in Mrs Spencer" said the Colonel," I can explain.You see the Land Rover...."
"No need to explain" she replied, "It's the best thing that could have happened. Those twins are always
getting dirty, rolling round in mud and muck. Since they got covered in that stinking manure it's cured them
of it, they won't go anywhere dirty, you've saved me a small fortune in cleaning and buying new clothes."
She put some coins on the table. "Just to say thanks" she said. And off she went.

"Well, as I was saying" said the Colonel......The doorbell went again.
"Get that can you Slugger" said the Colonel.
"Cor blimey, I've only just sat down" replied Slugger. "Oh, it's Fred Lockton".
"Hello everyone" he said.
"Sorry about the accident with Adam" said the Colonel.
"Oh don't apologise" replied Fred, "I can't believe he can hear again, I can't thank you enough, especially
to young Dora there."
Dora smiled, almost apologetically.
"Thanks to Dora I've saved a fortune in vets bills" said Fred, putting a wad of notes on the table.
"Just want to show my appreciation." And off he went.

"Well" said the Colonel, "What a turn up for the book. Anyhow, as I was saying...."
Again the doorbell went.
"I know" said Slugger, "I'll get it, blimey I'm up and down like a bloomin yo-yo 'ere.
"Oh gawd" said Slugger, "It's the local school Head Teacher."
"Geoffrey" he said, "How are you old chap? Now, about this barbeque fire."
"Ah, I can explain Cedric."
"Brilliant spoof" interrupted Cedric, "Almost had us fooled there into thinking it was real. Pouring petrol
over it and then getting the children lined up passing buckets of water down the line until the fire was put out.
Brilliant! Taught them how to work as a team and how to be safety concsious too. Can't thank you enough.
The parents and school governors were really impressed." He put a cheque on the table.
"Thanks again Geoffrey" he said, and off he went. The Colonel looked dumbfounded.

"Is that the doorbell I hear?" said Slugger. Five seconds later it rang.
"Thought so" he said," Blimey what a surprise, someone's at the door. Think we ought to invest some
of that money on the table and get a doorman."
"Who is it?" shouted the Colonel.
"Well, it's either News At Ten or it's someone from our local newspaper" replied Slugger as a man
wearing headphones and a clip on microphone and a newspaper in his hand walked through the door.
"Oh no" said the Colonel,"He's from our local newspaper."
"I can explain" said the Colonel.
"Look at this" said the reporter, "You've made front page headlines."
"Good grief" moaned the Colonel.
"No, that's great news" replied the reporter. On the front page was the children all lined up putting out
the fire. Inside was a picture of Ron in his Easter bunny outfit getting soaked and all the children in
Steves trailer waving. And a picture of Dora with Adam with the caption "Deaf pony can hear again-it's a
miracle".
"Absolutely fantastic" said the reporter, "Thanks to these photo's we,ve sold ten times the newspapers
we normally sell, the Editor's so pleased he's tripled the amount he promised you for the story, here's
your cheque." And off he went.

"I can't believe it" said the Colonel, looking at all the money on the table. "What with that and the
entrance fee money, we can....."Buy a new battery for that flippin doorbell" chirped in Slugger.
"We can keep Follyfoot going for ages" continued the Colonel.

"Oh great, are we having another fun day next Easter?" asked Dora.
"Definitely" he replied.

"Not!"

                                               THE END