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A story in four parts.
PART 1
" 'Ere Ron, what's that you're reading" asked Slugger."It's a brilliant book replied Ron, chewing on a carrot. "It's a cowboy book."
"I didn't think you were reading Einsteins Theory of Nativity" said Slugger.
"Isn't that something to do with the birth of The Beatles" exclaimed Steve.
"I think you may be getting Bryan Epstein mixed up with Albert Einstein" commented the Colonel. "A relatively easy mistake to make."
"Aaarghh" shrieked Ron, dropping his book.
"What's up, didn't you like the ending" said Slugger.
"I bit me bloomin' finger instead of me carrot" answered Ron. "You want to be more careful" exclaimed Slugger, fetching
the first aid kit. "Books don't grow on trees you know" he said, picking up the dishevelled publication.
"Actually they do" replied the Colonel, "They're made of paper which grows on trees, softwood ones mainly, and..."
"I think it's time we got back to work everyone" said Dora, "Come on."
Outside Ron and Steve were repairing a bit of damaged fencing. "Right" explained Steve, "You hammer the posts in the ground
Ron whilst I hold them." Ron stood there, a huge bandage round his middle finger.
"Don't think I can Steve me old mate" he replied. "I can't swing an 'ammer."
"No but you can swing the lead" commented the Colonel. "It was your index finger you injured Stryker."
"Typical innit" replied Ron. " 'Ere Slugs" he shouted,"You bandaged the wrong bit."
"Yeah" said Steve, "You should have done his mouth."
" I'll hold the posts" said Ron, "You whack 'em with the 'ammer Steve."
" 'Ere, I cant see anything wrong with your hand Ron" exclaimed Slugger, taking the bandage off.
"Yeah well I'm a good healer" replied Ron.
"Amongst other things" replied Steve. "What do you mean" asked Ron.
"You're a cheating, deceiving, falsifying, misleading fibber" exclaimed Steve.
" 'Ere, are you callin' im a liar" replied Slugger.
Steve swung the hammer down and landed it straight on Ron's hand. Ron shrieked in pain and dropped the post.
Steve and Ron went for each other. Slugger fetched the first aid box again.
"That's enough" bellowed the Colonel, "Break it up." "I think 'ee 'as broke it" replied Ron, " 'Ee did that on purpose."
"Can't I leave you two for two minutes" moaned the Colonel. "Now shake hands and be friends again."
"Aaargh" screamed Ron.
"There, see, that didn't hurt did it" said the Colonel, "Making up isn't that harrowing. Now Dora", he continued, as Slugger
wrapped an even bigger bandage round a now swollen finger, "A schoolfriend of Callie's is coming over this afternoon
to look around Follyfoot, she's looking for something to learn to ride on, something very basic."
" 'Ere Dora" said Slugger, picking up a plank of fencing wood and a saw, "Perhaps you could make her a sea-saw."
"I think I'll just give Callie's friend a quick call" whispered the Colonel to Dora, "See when she's coming round."
"Right you two, behave yourselves" said The Colonel to Ron and Steve, "I'm just going to make a phone call, see if Berni's in."
"Blimey" replied Slugger, " 'Ere, are we eating out tonight in a Steak House then Colonel."
"Ah hello" shouted Callie riding in on her bike, "My friend's arriving as soon as she's done her history homework. I've
already done mine. It was dead easy. I mean, fancy asking who was the Tsar of Russia in 1547. How awful is that."
"Yers" replied Slugger, "Terrible."
"Exactly" answered Callie, "It was Ivan the Terrible. Well done Slugs. You got that one. And what did Robert Johnson invent
in eighteen eighty eight?."
"Was it the bingo term for two fat ladies" asked Ron.
"No, not a bingo term" replied Callie.
"Ouch" muttered Slugger as he stubbed his foot on his medical box, "Bloomin' first aid kit."
"Yes you're right again Slugs" answered Callie, "It's the first aid kit.Well done, that was a hard one."
"It certainly was" grimaced Slugger rubbing his sore toe through his sandals.
"And do you know the last words of Marie Antoinette, the Queen of France in 1793 before she was guillotined."
"Did she say "Can we come back and finish this tomorrow" said Steve, "I've got a headache."
"No not that" replied Callie.
"How about 'is this the form of execution what we may beheaded for in the future?' asked Ron.
"No, 'fraid not" said Callie. "Slugger, any ideas? "
"Pardon" answered Slugger, still rubbing his sore toe and not listening.
"Yes, you've done it again" exclaimed Callie. "Oh you're good at this Slugs. Yes she said 'Pardon me Sir' as she accidentally trod
on the executioners foot."
"Must have been painful" exclaimed Steve. "I know 'ow 'ee felt" Slugger answered" rubbing his big toe.
" 'Ere, my answer was better" groaned Ron.
"Yes, but unfortunately your answer was ahead of it's time" remarked the Colonel.
"And finally, what were frying pans made of in the 5th century?" asked Callie.
"I don't know what they were made of in the 5th century but I know who destroyed most of 'em in the 20th century"
replied Ron, looking at Sluggers selection of burnt out and battered pans hanging on the wall.
"Copper" shouted Slugger, frantically.
"Well done again Slugs, another correct answer" said Callie.
"No, Copper, look out of the window" yelled Slugger, "Copper's not in his stable, he's charging round the yard." "Quick" shouted Dora.
They all ran outside. Berni had arrived and undone his stable door by mistake.
"Good Lord" exclaimed the Colonel, "The girls a fool."
"Blimey" remarked Ron, "Gives a new meaning to the phrase 'Berni the bolt'." Ron, Steve, Dora and Callie chased after Copper.
As soon as Copper saw Dora he relaxed and slowed down and they were able to catch him.
"Luckily no harm done" said a relieved Colonel that night as they sat down to supper. "We must be more careful with visitors
in future. We must be on our guard and be aware. We don't want any nasty accidents."
"Talking of nasty accidents here's another one one" commented Steve as Slugger scraped burnt bacon and eggs off his
frying pan and onto their plates.
"So did you find a suitable equine for Berni then Dora?" asked the Colonel.
"Oh we found just the one" interrupted Ron. "You know how they say animals are like their owners. We gave her that stupid
half-baked pony, the one with a spotty face that's always having tantrums."
"Ron" blurted out Dora, "That's not nice."
"And it runs all gangly" said Ron. "And it squeals. And it can pick up a bucket with it's teeth and flip it over it's head so it lands
the right way up and stick it's nose in it to see if there's any food in it. And then lick it out with loud slurping noises."
"Good Lord" cried out the Colonel, "Can Berni do that?".
"No but the pony can" exclaimed Ron.
"That's what you think" said Callie, "You haven't seen her at school dinners."
" 'Ere, I liked school dinners" said Slugger, "We often had tripe."
"That explains a lot" replied Steve, "We often have tripe for dinner here as well."
"And we had meatloaf with prunes" said Slugger.
"Blimey" replied Ron, "After eating that I bet you were like a bat out of Hell running to the toilet."
"And we 'ad loads of tarts" said Slugger. "Yes, I've had experiences with dinner ladies in the past" said the Colonel blushing.
"And I used to be the table monitor" continued Slugger, "Make sure everything was neat and tidy."
"Still, I expect your table was as clean as all the others" said Ron, "Especially when the German bombs dropped and all the
other tables were covered in two inches of ash."
To be continued......