Author Topic: The summer of '76  (Read 177 times)

Offline pete.r.

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The summer of '76
« on: July 30, 2019, 03:34:32 PM »
                                            The summer of '76

A story in four parts.

Part 1

"Now look everyone" said the Colonel, "I've got some great news, we've all got a week off."
" 'Ave all the 'orses gone down with Strangles then" Ron answered. "Ron!" exclaimed Dora.
"Any more comments like that and you'll be strangled" said Slugger. "Only joking" he replied.
"Well don't make a habit of it Stryker" said the Colonel. "Stick to what you do best - puffing on a cigarette while others
do the work." "So what's this week off business Uncle?" asked Dora.
"Well, a friend of a friend of a friend of Lady Martha Carne says we can borrow her caravan at Scarborough next week for
a holiday" said the Colonel.
"Well one things for sure Ron" said Slugger, "she's got more friends than you."
"Wit isn't your middle name Slugs" said Ron, "More like sh... "Shut up you two" bellowed the Colonel, "I haven't finished yet.
Hazel and Lady Carne and her staff will look after the horses here at Follyfoot" continued the Colonel. "But Uncle.."
interrupted Dora"... "The break will do us all good Dora" said the Colonel, "And Hazels been here three years now, she
knows the ropes and she's looking forward to being in charge."
"In charge" commented Ron, "In charge of who? We're all on holiday, remember?".
"Yes...well...er..." stuttered the Colonel.
" 'Ere, maybe she'll send us all a mammogram" said Slugger, "Telling us what to do."
"Telegram" said Dora. "You mean send a telegram Slugs. A mammogram is...yes, well, never mind."
" 'Ere, me mother 'ad a mammogram once" replied Ron.
Dora went all red and blushed.
"Yeah, she used to play some good music on it" he said.

"So what sort of caravan is it?" asked Steve. "Is it modern, does it have electric lighting?".
"Er...afraid not" replied the Colonel.
"Why not?" asked Slugger.
"Well...er...it doesn't have any electric" answered the Colonel.
"Blimey, 'ow's Steve going to read his book in the evening?" asked Slugger.
"No problem Slugs" said Ron., "Ee can sit next to the fridge and open the door."
"Blimey, I never thought of that" exclaimed Slugger. " 'Ere, I can do the 'oovering the same way."

"For Heavens sake" said the Colonel, "The caravans got gas mantles, run off a calor gas bottle, so you'll  be able to
see perfectly well in the dark."
"And does it have running water?" asked Dora.
"Yes but we have to do the running and fetch it from a tap in the middle of the site" said the Colonel.
"What about the loo?" asked Slugger.
"It's a modern chemical toilet" replied the Colonel. "We have to empty it when it's full in a special place near the tap."
"In the middle of the yard" remarked Steve.
"Blimey" said Ron, "I'm glad it's not an ancient toilet then."

"Hello everyone" said Callie walking in. "I got your message Colonel about the holiday, I'm looking forward to it.
Where do we all sleep?".
"I take it it's got beds" grunted Slugger.
"Dora and Callie will sleep in the double bed in the main bedroom" said the Colonel, "And..." "Oh wonderful interrupted
Callie, "I love going on holiday, I can't wait to see the sea and have a paddle and have candy floss, fish and chips, hamburgers,
 ice-cream and cockles and mussels. And I've got a new bathing costume I've bought Steve especially for the week."
"Blimey" said Slugger, "The way you're going on it won't fit you after a couple of days."
"And I love making sandcastles and everything" continued Callie, stopping for breath.
"Well I just hope you don't talk in your sleep" said Dora.
"No of course I don't" replied Callie.
"Well that's about the only time then" said Ron.

"So, Steve and Ron, you'll sleep in the children's room in the bunk beds" said the Colonel.
"The children's room" exclaimed Ron.
"Yeah, about right for you" answered Slugger.
" 'Ere, I bags the top bunk" said Steve, "I like sleeping in lofty places."
"It just gets better and better" said Ron, lying on the bed, his feet sticking out of the window.
"I think it'd be better if your head was stuck out of the window Ron" said Steve.
"Children's room my foot" said Ron, "Some 'oliday this is going to be."

"Does it have a sea view" asked Dora.
"Only through binoculars probably" replied Steve. "If you've got a modern pair that is."
"It's got a lovely panoramic sea view" replied the Colonel.
"Has it got a cooker" asked Callie, "Will we get a cooked breakfast? I'm always starving in the morning. I don't eat a lot in the day."
" 'Ere, don't candy floss, fish and chips, ice-cream, hamburgers and cockles and mussels count then" said Slugger.
"It's got a portable gas cooker" replied the Colonel, "I'm sure Slugger could rustle up a nice bacon and eggs for breakfast".
"Well if 'ee does it'll be the first time" remarked Ron.

"Oh, and Slugger and myself will sleep in single beds in the second bedroom" said the Colonel.
"I don't suppose your 'eads will be protruding out looking at the serene, tranquil, cloudless sky and the stars in it then"
commented Ron.
"Give it a rest Ron" said Slugger.
"Let's 'ope I do" he replied.

"So that's the sleeping arrangements sorted out" said the Colonel.
"Oh how wonderful" exclaimed Ron. "I can just envisage it now. One wearin' a hat, the other wiv a newspaper tucked under it's head.
Two sets of false teeth in glasses at the side of the bed and synchronised snoring. And that's just Dora and Callies room."

"Right said the Colonel" the following week, "We're all ready for the off. Steve'll drive the Land Rover, we'll all fit in,
but we've had to put all our luggage in a horse box."
"Suitcases in a horse box" exclaimed Callie, "Isn't that a bit unhygienic."
"Yeah she's right" said Slugger, "Our cases are a bit rank, still I expect the 'orses will get used to the smell."

"How come you've got 4 suitcases Callie" asked Steve.
"Well, one's got my clothes in" she replied. "I wasn't sure what colour to take. Mummy says I should wear something that
suits my personality."
"Oh so you've brought plenty of drab grey ones then" said Ron.
"And one has my chocolate bars in, another my biscuits and another my crisps."
Oh for Heavens sake Callie" said the Colonel, "We're going on holiday to Scarborough for a week, not on a six month crusade to
Africa to feed the starving millions."













Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline pete.r.

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Re: The summer of '76
« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2019, 04:46:53 PM »
"You didn't bring much Ron" said Slugger. "Don't need to Slugs me old mate" he replied. "I've just seen the weather forecast.
It's going to be a scorcher all week according to Michael Fish, and 'ee never gets the forecast wrong. I've just brought a
spare T-shirt and shorts and sunglasses and sun cream. Oh and some comics and a couple of cowboy books. Unlike some
Slugs. You've brought enough macs, galoshes and waterproofs to supply Custer's 7th Cavalry."
"Can't be too careful" replied Slugger. "And I've brought thick jumpers and six woollen  hats."
"Good Lord" replied the Colonel, "What do you want six woollen hats for Slugger, we're not taking Cerberus on holiday with us."
"No, we're going in the Land Rover" said Slugger.
"Cerberus is a dog in Greek Mythology that has lots of heads" explained Dora.
"Blimey, I bet it eats almost as much as Callie then" remarked Ron.

"Oh I nearly forgot" said Callie, "I've brought some homework to do. It's a riddle set by my teacher Mrs Crustworthy.
She gives us one to do every year when we break up for the summer holidays. They're very difficult, they take ages to work out."
"I quite like doing riddles" replied the Colonel."In fact I'm rather good at them. Read it out to us Callie, I'll write it down, and
we can have a go at working it out on the journey, give us something to do to pass the time. Although I don't think it'll take me long."
"Right, where is it" said Callie, rummaging in her bag. "Ah here it is." The Colonel had his trusty Times crossword pen at the ready.

'I can whistle but I have no mouth,
I travel miles from north to south.
You cannot see me but I do not hide,
I am outside your house but never inside.
I can be naughty and damage flowers and trees,
Or I can be helpful and scatter all their seeds.
If your dog gets me you'll be filled with woe,
And if me you break everyone will know.'

Everyone stood open-mouthed and aghast. Except for Slugger, who stood there with a strange expression on his face.
"I think Sluggers trying to tell us something" exclaimed Callie, "What is it?".

"Wind" he replied, trying hard to contain his flatulence.

"I'll just check that with the riddle" said Callie....".Yes.......Yes, you're right Slugger, the answer's wind" she said. "You've done it."
" 'Ave I " he replied.
"Yes" said Callie, "That's the quickest anyone's ever done one of Crusty's.....I mean Mrs Crustworthys, riddles."

An annoyed Colonel snapped his pen in half and screwed up his bit of paper and threw it in the bin.
" 'Ere Colonel" said Ron, "Stick to what you do best, puffing on your pipe while others do the work,"
"Yeah" said Slugger, "It must be wearin' woollen 'ats that's done the trick. They keep me 'ead warm and me brain active."

"Oh isn't this wonderful" romanced Callie, as they were driving along. "Everything seems so different on holiday. The scenery,
the sky, even the grass. And look at that lovely lake over there."

"Oh for goodness sake Callie" said Dora, "We haven't left the farm yet."



To be continued..........
Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline pete.r.

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Re: The summer of '76
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2019, 04:05:38 PM »
PART 2

"Crikey" said Steve as they neared Scarborough, "This is one long steep hill, makes Thacket's Rise look like a gentle slope."
As they climbed up the hill they overtook a large brown horse pulling a milk float with the name 'Turners Milk Deliveries'
on the side. "Uncle" cried out Dora, "That poor horse, he shouldn't be pulling that load up this hill, and on a boiling hot day.
Look, he's struggling poor thing." "Dora, we're on holiday, remember," replied the Colonel. "Yes but...." "No buts" said
the Colonel, "It's not our problem, I expect he's been doing it for years."

"I don't think our Land Rover's engine could do it for years" exclaimed Steve, "It's overheating. We'll stop at the top to let
it cool down, we're nearly there." Dora pulled a face and sulked.
"Can we do something to take her mind of it" whispered Callie to Ron.
"I know" said Ron, "Let's have a game of I-Spy" he said as they all got out of the Land Rover. "I'll go first. I spy, with my
little eye, something beginning with 'O' ".
"Ocean" shouted out Callie.
" 'Ere, I can't see no ocean" said Slugger rubbing his eyes.
"No, I think you need binoculars for that" said the Colonel. "More like Jodrell Banks telescope" said a still peeved Dora.
"That's more like it Dora" replied Callie, "You're getting into the game now."
Dora gave Callie a piercing look.
"No, you can't see the sea, see" said Ron. "So it ain't ocean."

"Oil" said Dora, not really interested in the game.
"Oil" exclaimed Steve, sarcastically, "We're at Scarborough not Dubai Dora. Where can you see oil?".
"It's pouring out of the engine" she replied, peering underneath the Land Rover.
"Oh no" groaned Steve. He crawled on his hands and knees  to take a look. "I can't see any oil" said Steve in a muffled voice underneath. "Ouch!" he shouted as he hit his head on the exhaust. He scrambled back. His hands and face and best clothes
were filthy. "So where's the oil then Dora?" asked a vexed Steve.
Dora thought for a minute. "It must be in Dubai then" she replied.

"So it's not oil then" said Ron. "Thankfully."
"Opticians" shouted the Colonel. "No it's not opticians" said Ron.
"I can't see any opticians" said Steve.
"Then you should" exclaimed the Colonel, "There's one across the road."

" 'Otel" said Slugger, looking at a 5 star hotel further down the road with a swimming pool outside and a barbecue and a band
playing. "No it's not a 'otel" said Ron.
"A pity" said a still narked Dora staring at the Colonel, "I would have preferred that to a Gypsy caravan with no electric or
water and a mobile toilet that has to be carried halfway across a field to be emptied."

"Your turn now Steve" said Callie. "You've got the last guess."
"Obnoxious people" he commented, still dusting himself down.
"Dearie dearie me" replied Ron, "We are touchy today, must be the sea air."
The Colonel looked at Steve and Dora.
"I think I'm going to need a holiday to get over this one" he sighed.

"So what's the answer Ron?" asked Callie, "What begins with 'O'."
"One knackered equine" muttered Ron as the poor horse struggled past them pulling it's load.
"Oh gawd" said Slugger, "That's done it."
"He shouldn't be pulling that load up the hill" shouted Dora to the driver. "Dora, don't interfere" said the Colonel, "It's not
our business. "But Uncle, someone has to help him, he's on his last legs, he can't keep this up for much longer."
"Well if you can find me a vehicle suitable for delivering milk, electrically powered and in excellent condition perhaps we can
come to an arrangement" said the man. "My name's Mr Turner and my horse Chestnut here's been pulling this milk cart up
this hill since he was two, ten years ago."
"He should be retired" Dora answered.
"Well let me know if we can do a deal" replied My Turner, "You'll find me in my yard, ask anyone, they'll tell you where it is.
That's when we're not climbing up this here hill" he said, glancing over at Dora. "We've got to find Mr Turner a milk float he
can drive somehow Uncle" said Dora. "We can't afford to buy a new one Dora, we're not made of money" he replied."

"The land Rover's cooled down now "Exclaimed Steve.
"Yes, and so's everyone else" said the Colonel, "Come on everyone, we're ready to go."
"So," whispered the Colonel to Ron, "What was the word beginning with 'O' you really thought of?".
"Nothing gets past you Colonel does it" answered Ron. "No, not a lot" he replied.
"Orange juice. There was some bottles of it on the milk float" said Ron. "Not blood red orange juice. But it may well have been.
The blood, sweat and tears from a poor down-and-out animal, whose only aim in life is to keep putting one foot in front of the
other to climb a mountain so that some snotty nosed kid can have some milk on his cornflakes. And then to be able to do it the
next day. And the day after that. And the day after that. Without asking for anything. He needs help Colonel. And isn't that 
what Follyfoot's all about?. Try and help Dora out. Please."
"I'll do my best" said the Colonel. "I promise."

They arrived at the caravan site."Blimey" said Slugger, "I don't believe it." The whole of the country was bathed in hot sunshine.
Above the caravan site was a thick mist that had rolled in of the North Sea. The whole site was enveloped in it. You couldn't
see anything but fog. "So much for Michael Fish" remarked Slugger.
"It's freezing" said Dora. "And it's all wet and drizzly" exclaimed Callie.
"Where's the panoramic view then Colonel?" asked Steve. "Yes...er...well.. " he stuttered.

They unloaded the horse box and sat in the caravan. "It's cold in 'ere" said Ron.
"Good job I bought plenty of pullovers then" exclaimed Slugger, handing them around. "Can't be too careful Ron. Still, you'll
be alright, you've got two T-Shirts you can wear."
"There's no heating in the van" said Callie. "Can we light the portable gas cooker to warm us up?".
" 'Fraid not, it's not allowed" replied the Colonel, reading the caravan rules that had been left on the table. "We can only use it
outside for cooking." "Here's some candles I found in a drawer" said Steve, "I'll light them, that'll give us a bit of heat."
"Oh thank goodness for that" said Callie.
"Sorry" exclaimed the Colonel, but it says in the rules 'No lighting of candles allowed in the caravan' ".
"Gawd blimey" answered Slugger, " 'Ere, lets tear the rules up and burn 'em instead."
"No. 'fraid we can't" replied the Colonel, "No lighting of any combustible materials except the gas mantles."
"It's in the rules" they all chorused.

Steve lit the gas mantles. They all sat round the table wearing Sluggers winter clothes and one of his hats each to keep warm.
"Good job that Greek dog didn't come on 'oliday with us Colonel Sir" said Slugger, grinning.
Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline pete.r.

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Re: The summer of '76
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2019, 05:18:09 PM »
"I'm cold" said Callie. And I'm shivering. And I'm fed up. My stomach's groaning."
"So's the rest of you" remarked Slugger. " 'Ere, I know, let's play I-Spy" said Ron. Dora glared at him. "Well maybe not" he replied.
"I know" said Slugger, "I've brought my transistor radio, we can listen to that."
"Oh good idea" said Callie, "Let's listen to radio 1, some pop music."
"I prefer radio 2" said Steve, "Some lighter music."
"Oh radio 4 is much more refined" said the Colonel, "More to my taste."
"Gawd blimey" exclaimed Slugger, changing channels like mad. "Oh now look what's 'appened, the bloomin' tuning knobs broke off.
I can't alter the programmes now."

"You're listening to the Light Programme" came a voice from the radio. "And now here's the weather forecast. The whole of the
United Kingdom will be very hot and sunny today due to an area of high pressure sitting above it. Temperatures will rise to
thirty five degrees centigrade and people, especially the elderly, are warned not to go outside as this could be dangerous to health.
Drink plenty of cold fluids and stay indoors, using electric fans if you have them. And that's the end of the weather warning.
And next, The Archers, in an episode entitled 'Don't you just love caravanning.' And don't forget everyone, try and find somewhere
cool to sit whilst listening to it."

"No problem there for us then" said Ron, his teeth chattering.

"Well if you don't mind everyone" said the Colonel, "I'll just sit and read my newspaper." He opened his copy of 'The Times' and
lit his pipe. "Oh that's very interesting" he said.
"What is? asked Steve.
"OPEC is to increase oil prices by 200%" said the Colonel.
"Blimey" replied Slugger, "That'll put the price of chips up."

"And the Dow Jones is struggling" said the Colonel.
" 'Ere, is he any relation to you Slugs?" asked Ron.
"Dunno" replied Slugger. "I had an Uncle called Frank Jones."
"Was he struggling?" asked Callie.
"I'll say" Exclaimed Slugger. In the end he had a little barrow on Tockwith market selling elastic bands. They were all faulty.
He just couldn't make ends meet."

"And Richard Nixons in the news" continued the Colonel. "He's up to his old tricks again."
"Yeah 'ees a great magician" replied Slugger, "I love the one where 'ee makes that woman disappear from a box."

"And a 3 day weeks coming into force in the U.K. soon" remarked the Colonel.
"That won't affect Ron" said Steve, "He's been on one for years."

"Hey" said Callie, looking at the front page, "There's a Cod War started in Iceland."
"That's funny" said Slugger, "I was in there the other day buying some fish fingers, I didn't notice anything."

"And Duke Ellingtons gone on tour again" exclaimed the Colonel.
"Oh, do you think he'll be coming to Leeds?" asked Dora.
"Nah" replied Slugger, "The Royal Family normally go abroad."

"Oh look" said Dora, reading the inside page, "The Dala Lama's making a visit to Yorkshire."
"Oh great" remarked Callie, "I love the circus. I bet they'll be camels and kangaroos as well. Do you think they'll have any clowns?".
"I doubt it" said Steve. "The only clowns in Yorkshire are at Follyfoot."

"Well I think we ought to let Uncle finish his newspaper by himself now" said Dora.
"That's very good of you" he replied, "Now that I've only got the Death Notices left to read."
"Yeah" said Ron Yawning, "It's best to leave the interesting bits till last."



To be continued..........


Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline pete.r.

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Re: The summer of '76
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2019, 04:42:51 PM »
PART 3

"I'm starving" said Callie.
"Well you're bound to be" replied Ron,"You haven't had anything to eat since you had that giant Yorkshire pudding filled
with sausages, mashed potato and three veg. and treacle tart with extra custard at that service station an hour ago."
"I've just remembered" she blurted out, "I've got crisps, biscuits and mars bars in my suitcases. Mummy's put some new
flavours in, there's cheese and onion and salt and vinegar flavour. Would you like to try some Slugs."
"I don't think I've ever 'ad a cheese and onion mars bar before" he said. "Still, I'll try anything once."
"Oh no silly" she replied, "The crisps are cheese and onion flavoured."
"I know" exclaimed Slugger, "I'm only pulling your leg Miss. I'm not stupid. 'Ere, I'll try some of them salt 'n vinegar biscuits next."

"Well it's about bedtime" said the Colonel. "How about we listen to Sluggers radio before we turn in" said Steve, "Some nice
soothing relaxing music to help us get to sleep." "Good idea" the Colonel answered. Slugger turned it on.

"And now" The voice said, "Our Saturday night horror story, called 'There's a ghost in my bedroom' ".
"Good Lord" exclaimed the Colonel lighting his pipe, swathing the room in an eerie glow.
"AARRGH" Came a piercing scream from the big bedroom.
"Callie, are you alright" said Dora rushing in. "Yes, I'm fine" she replied. "I just saw my reflection in the mirror."
"Blimey" said Ron, "That's enough to frighten anybody."
"It was just before midnight" continued the voice...."Blimey, me watch must be slow" said Slugger, "I make it eleven thirty."
"All was silent....except for an owl outside that hooted in the distance" uttered the voice.
Just at that moment a cargo ship heading for Great Yarmouth sailed past and blew it's horn.
"Crikey, I reckon it's got a cold" exclaimed Ron.
"I am the voice of doom" said the radio.""Oh for Heavens sake turn it off Slugger" said the Colonel, "It's giving us all the
heebie-jeebies."
"You'll never get rid of me" said the voice......."It won't turn off" shrieked Slugger. "The radio won't turn off."
"My voice will haunt you forever......until the life hereafter" it continued.
"Quick Steve" shouted the Colonel, "Get the big hammer out of the Land Rover, we'll have to smash the radio to bits."
"I am the ghost in the bedroom, I am here for eternity and......"  'Click'....."Ah that's better" said Slugger, "I was turning the
knob the wrong way.
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
Steve charged in with a sledgehammer and gave a bloodcurdling scream. Slugger quickly picked up his radio off the table.
The sledgehammer went straight through the table as everyone dived out of the way.
Everyone was hopping and skipping around to avoid the flying wooden splinters.

"Blimey" said Ron, "I thought we were going to listen to some soothing, relaxing music before we went to bed.
I didn't realise we were going to be breakdancing."

The next morning they all awoke to the smell of food burning. The sun was shining and Slugger was cooking outdoors.
"Ah that smells good Slugger" said the Colonel, "I see we're eating al fresco."
"No it's bacon 'n eggs" replied Slugger, "None of that foreign muck."
"Well I must say" exclaimed Callie, "This is probably one of the nicest breakfasts I've ever eaten outside."
"And how many breakfasts have you eaten outside?" asked Steve.
"One".

"Well that was certainly up to your usual standards Slugs" said Ron, spitting out large pieces of eggshell.
"You can't help getting bits of eggshell in a fry-up" replied Callie.
"Yes but I 'avn't started yet" exclaimed Ron, "I've only 'ad a drink of tea."

"I thought it was a nice touch you sprinkling herbs on my fried eggs" said Steve, "Although it gave them a rather unusual taste."
" 'Ere, I never sprinkled no 'erbs on" said Slugger, "Although there was a swarm of flies about when I was cooking 'em."

"Have you tried cooking eggs benedict Slugger?" asked the Colonel.
"Yes but they came out more eggs derelict" said Ron.

"So how did you find your breakfast Dora?" asked the Colonel. "Well, I just came outside and there it was on the plate" she said.
" 'Ere, whispered Ron to Steve whilst chomping on his breakfast, "She wouldn't 'ave said that if she'd sat down a few minutes
earlier. Slugger dropped all 'er bacon on the floor and wiped it clean on his trousers" he said, shovelling more food down his throat.
"That's what you think" whispered Steve to Ron. "Dora saw through the window what happened. When she came outside
she swapped her plate with yours."

"Aren't you eating Uncle" asked Dora, as Steve picked dead flies out of his egg yolk and Ron went behind a tree to be sick.
"Er...No", he replied. "I seem to have lost my appetite" he said.

"So how did we all sleep" asked the Colonel after they'd washed up."Slugger and myself didn't move a muscle all night."
"Only 'cos we were too frit to go to the portaloo in the dark" replied Slugger, "After listening to that radio programme."
"What about you Dora and Callie, did you have a good nights sleep?"
"Yes" replied Dora, "Apart from a big fat lump in my bed that annoyed me."
"Oh I'll have to have a look at that for you" said the Colonel, "Whereabouts is it?".
"Sat next to me" replied Dora. "It's name's Callie."
"What do you mean" asked Callie. "What did I do?".
"You kept waking me up Callie, you were turning your body one way and then the other, and then you kept kicking your legs.
It was like going to bed with George Best."
"I wouldn't mind going to bed with George Best" Exclaimed Callie. "Actually I was dreaming I was fighting the ghost in the bedroom."
"Well I think you must have won" remarked Dora, "I was black and blue this morning."

"So how did you boys sleep?" asked the Colonel.
"Well I was fine" answered Steve, "Until some idiot beneath me kept hooting all night."
"I wasn't hooting" said Ron, "I was moaning. I kept stubbing my big toe on the end of that tiny bed. It was painful."

"So where shall we go today?" asked Dora. "Oh can we go to the beach please" asked Callie.
"Of course" said the Colonel, "It's just down the road, and here's £3.00 for fish and chips."
"Oh I don't think I could eat that much fish and chips" she replied. "That's a surprise," grunted Slugger.
"That's not just for you Callie, that's for everyone" replied the Colonel. "I'll stop here and have a rest."

Off they went.
"Look" said Callie, "There's donkeys on the beach. They've got their names on them. Here's one called 'The Colonel.' I'll
take it's picture and we can have it framed and give it to him when we get back to Follyfoot." "What a lovely idea" said Dora.

"Here's one for Slugger" exclaimed Ron. It's name was 'Cheeky'. Slugger stood next to it with a cheeky grin on his face
whilst Callie took a picture. "And here's one with Dora's name on it" said Ron. It was called 'Adorable'.
""Oh Ron, thank you, how lovely" said Dora. "He is adorable." Dora put her arm around the donkey whilst Callie took the photo.
Steve was fuming. He glared at Ron. Ron could feel his piercing eyes on him.

"Oh look what we have here" said Ron, "Here's one for Steve" he said, "The very one."
It's name was 'Scowler'.
"Come and have your photo took with your donkey Steve" insisted Ron. Callie took the photo. Ron stood behind him grinning,
making sure he got in the picture. Steve searched around. Suddenly he shouted "I've found it, here's one with your name on it Ron."
It's name was 'Gingernut'.
"Come and let me take your photo Ron" exclaimed Steve. Ron stood next to the donkey. He pulled a face at it. Suddenly the
donkey stooped down and head butted Ron in the chest. Ron fell to the ground in a cloud of sandy dust.
"Got it!" said Steve, taking a picture. "That's one for the family album. Thank you Gingernut" he remarked, as he walked away.
"Oh, and thank you too" said Steve, patting the donkey.







Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline pete.r.

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Re: The summer of '76
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2019, 06:11:41 PM »
Slugger helped Ron up. "What shall we do next?" asked Dora.
"Just a minute" said Callie, "Everyone's had a picture taken with their donkey except me. Where's my donkey?".
" 'Fraid they don't do donkeys with names like 'Chatterbox' or 'Greedygob' replied Ron.
"Ron" said Dora raising her voice, "You've upset Callie now." Callie was almost in tears.
"Only joking" said Ron, rubbing his sore ribs.
Slugger took his hat off and swiped Ron round the head with it, sand spewed everywhere.

"Here you are girl" said Steve, leading a donkey up to her, "Here's your donkey". "Oh Steve she replied.....I'm lost for words."
"Blimey" remarked Slugger. "That's a first."

The donkeys name was 'Angel'.
Dora took a photo of Callie and Steve either side of it.
"Oh you're wonderful" sighed Callie...."Such lovely eyes......and a cute little nose.....and the donkeys quite nice too".

The next day it was boiling hot. "Ah this is the life" said Ron, sipping a lager shandy. "Who needs to go abroad. Did you
ever go abroad Slugs?". "Oh yers" he replied. "I went to the Costa Del Sol. Never again."
"Why's that" asked Ron.
"Well we 'ad a power cut while we were there" remarked Slugger, "we 'ad no electric all week. And it was red 'ot. Over thirty degrees.
And the toilets stunk something 'orrible . Nah, it's much better in this country" he said, as a profusely sweating Steve trundled by pulling the foul-smelling, rancid portaloo across the site.

"Hello" said Callie walking over wearing a pair of bright pink shorts with red blotches on them.
"Blimey" said Slugger, "You've caught the sun."
"These are my hot pants" she exclaimed.
"I'm not surprised in this weather" said Slugger, "Mine are scorching as well."
"Are here you all are" said the Colonel, having just finished his lunch, "I must say Slugger, your meat balls were very tender today."
"Yeah, 'ee was just saying" replied Ron.
"I'm trying to get a tan on my bits that people don't normally see" said Callie.
" 'Ere, I tried that once" said Slugger.
"What happened?" asked Callie.
" 'Is wallet turned dark brown" replied Ron.

"Ah Dora" said the Colonel, as she walked out of the caravan, "What do you make of Callies shorts."
"A small hanky if you're lucky" she said, glancing over, "There's not a lot of material there."
Steve came out wearing just a pair of swimming trunks, trying to cool down after doing his chores.
"Blimey" exclaimed Ron, " 'Ee makes Callie look overdressed." Callie wolf whistled. Steve pulled his stomach muscles in.
" 'Ere, that reminds me" said Slugger, "I'm doin' spare ribs for tea."
"Dora, you're blushing" remarked Steve.
"No I'm not" she replied. "Well your cheeks have gone all red just like Callies" he said, as she bent over to adjust her deckchair.

"For Heavens sake" exclaimed the Colonel, "I've had enough of this drivel about unmentionables. Put the radio on Slugger,
let's change the subject and listen to something more interesting." Slugger switched it on.

"And now a brief interlude" said the voice "Before we interview Mr Wigglebottom,  a local supplier of thongs, Y-Fronts and
G-Strings whose bottom has fallen out of his business due to unforeseen shortcomings in the private sector."
"Good Lord" groaned the Colonel, "Slugger, fetch me one of my tablets please."


To be continued.......
Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline pete.r.

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Re: The summer of '76
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2019, 06:52:40 PM »
PART 4

"Right everyone", said the Colonel "I've just rung Follyfoot up on the sites phone, Hazel says she's remembered to keep
throwing a bucket of water over the Lightning Tree." "Lucky old Lightning Tree" said Steve sweating.
"So how's she getting on in charge?" asked Dora. "Apparently she's given herself a rise" replied the Colonel. "£1.00 an hour."
"That's my girl" exclaimed Ron, "I knew she'd make the grade."
"And she's dropped your wages by £1.50 an hour" he said. "Something about piecework."
"I knew we should never have given her a promotion" replied Ron.
"Anyway, everything's alright there. I told her it's so hot here we haven't done anything for days, just sat around all day, lazing about."
""What did she say?" asked Dora.
"She said she's dropping all our holiday pay by £2.00 an hour."

"So today I thought we'd all go to Scarborough Fair" said the Colonel. "Oh great" they all replied.
They arrived at the fair.
"I'm going on the roller coaster" exclaimed Callie.
"Is that wise?" asked Dora, "You've just had two helpings of bacon and eggs, and a plateful of toast and a pot of tea
for breakfast, followed by three mars bars and two packets of crisps on the journey here."
"Yes you're right Dora" replied Callie, "I'd better have some chicken nuggets, baked beans and chips and a glass of water to
wash them down with. I don't want to be twisting and turning upside down on an empty stomach."

"Empty stomach" replied Slugger, "Empty stomach. The last time she 'ad an empty stomach the midwife 'ad just cut her unforgivable
 cord." "You mean umbilical cord" said Dora, "Unforgivable means when you've done something you regret afterwards."
"Exactly" exclaimed Slugger.

"I don't feel too good" said Callie as she got off the roller coaster for the fifth time. "I knew I should never have had that glass of water."
"You should have come with me on the galloping horses on the carousel" replied Dora. "You'd have really enjoyed that."
"Where's the toilets" moaned Callie, "I've got the gallops without going anywhere near the carousel."

"Where's Ron?" asked Slugger. "Last time I saw him he was on the fun slide just over there" Steve answered
There was a large crowd all gathered round it, all laughing and giggling. They went over to see what was going on.
"I know it's called a fun slide said Steve to a middle aged woman, but why all the hilarity."
"Oh you should have seen it" she howled, "This ginger haired lad came hurtling down it and when he'd got  to the bottom
he'd lost his shorts, and he wasn't wearing any underpants." "Blimey" said Slugger, "What was his expression like?".
"I don't know" she replied, "We wasn't looking at his face."
"Luckily" her friend said, "He was eating an ice-cream. He used it to cover his modesty. It had a cherry on the top."
"Good Heavens" exclaimed the Colonel. "Look, it's Ron." Ron was stood at the bottom of the chute.
" 'Ere" exclaimed Slugger, "Ron don't like cherries."
"You're right" answered the woman, adjusting her spectacles, "It's not a cherry".

" 'Ere Slugs, "Fetch me shorts" he shouted, "They caught on a nail at the top. And 'urry up before this ice-cream melts."

"Well I've never been so embarrassed" said the Colonel. " 'Ere, it weren't my fault me braces got caught at the top of the
chute" remarked Slugger. "Mind you, it's the first time I've ever done a bungee jump."

"I must say Slugger, I was surprised you went on the Waltzer" said Steve. "So was I" he replied, "I thought I was on  the Ghost Train
till it started whizzing round. I didn't 'ave me national 'ealth aids with me."
"What, you mean you forgot your spectacles" said Dora.
"No, I lost me false teeth" he replied. "They shot out of me mouth on the third spin."
"Crikey" said Callie, "Then what happened?".
"They landed on a tombola stall about twenty feet away" said Slugger.
"Bit of luck there then" exclaimed Ron.
"Not really" replied Slugger, "I 'ad to buy 15 tickets before I won 'em back."

They returned home.
"So what did you have a go on at the fair Uncle?" asked Dora."I had a go at throwing balls into buckets hung on a board" he replied.
"How did you get on?" asked Steve.
"Not too good" he replied. "I had six goes. Only my last ball went in the bucket, and then it ended up on the floor so I didn't
win. The crafty blighter had cut little holes in the bottom of the buckets you couldn't see. The balls just fell through. It was
impossible to win. I threatened to report him to The Trading Standards."
"What did he say?" asked Slugger.
"I don't know" replied the Colonel, "It's difficult to hear anything with a bucket jammed over your head."

"What about you Steve, what did you go on" asked Callie. "You'll laugh if I tell you" he replied.
"No we won't" said Ron.
"I went on the Hook a Duck Stall" replied Steve. There was a silence.

Ron went into his bedroom, closed the door, and threw himself on the bed. "HAAAAAAAAARRGH.....................HAAAAAARGGH"
he roared ,"The hook a duck stall..................HAAAAAAAAAARRGH...........Oh my stomach hurts" he said.
A few moments later he returned from the bedroom with a straight face.
"See, we didn't laugh" he exclaimed.

"So did you win?" asked Dora.
"No" he replied, "My duck fell off the hook and onto the floor and landed in a pile of dog muck, it looked ghastly."
Ron disappeared into his bedroom again. "HAAAAAAAARRGH  he roared....... in a pile of dog muck........HAAAAAAAAAAARGGH".

"And now for a treat" said the Colonel, "We're going for a slap up meal to finish off the day, we're celebrating."
"What are we celebrating Uncle?" asked Dora. "I'll tell you later" he replied. They arrived at the restaurant.
"Blimey, it's posh 'ere" said Slugger, "I ain't wearin' a tie." "Shouldn't worry about that" replied Steve, "Ron ain't even
wearing a shirt." "Yes I am" he answered.
"What, that bright coloured thing with multi coloured letters of all shapes and sizes on it" said Steve. "That's not a shirt, it's
more like what an optician uses to test your eyes with" he remarked.

"Would Sir like to see the a la carte" said the waiter to Slugger.
"No thanks, we've got a 'orse box if we need one, we'll just 'ave a look at the menu" he replied.
"Blimey" exclaimed Ron, "The meat must be a bit tough 'ere, we've got three knives and forks each."
"I can recommend the soup" said the waiter. "What is it?" asked Dora.
"Well, it's a sort of coloured liquid that comes in a bowl" replied the waiter, "You eat it with a spoon....or you dip your bread
in it" he said looking at Slugger.......or you slurp it" he exclaimed, looking at Ron. "By the way, my name's Nigel."
"Yes but what flavour is it Nigel?" asked Callie. "Ah well, that's the chefs surprise of the day" he replied.
"Why's it a surprise?" asked Steve. "Well the chef doesn't even know what it is" answered Nigel.
"It just depends which tin he takes out of the fridge."

"We'll have three prawn cocktails to start with" said Callie.
"Just a minute" said Dora, "We haven't decided yet".
"No, they're just for me" she replied.

"Is the chicken pie home made?" asked the Colonel.
"Yes, but I don't know whose home it was made in" answered Nigel.

"Do you know what sort of chips the chef makes" asked Callie, "Are they crinkled or straight?". "I'll just find out" said Nigel.
"Antoine love" he shouted through the kitchen door, "Do you prefer your frenchies wrinkled or straight?. Righto.
Straight" replied Nigel. "Which to be honest, surprised me a bit."
"What are frenchies?" asked Dora.
"French fries" replied Steve. "At least, I think that's what he meant."
"And does the chef roll his own dumplings?" asked Slugger.
"Oh yes" replied Nigel, "But only when we're not busy. And he always washes his hands afterwards."
















Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline pete.r.

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Re: The summer of '76
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2019, 09:21:14 PM »
"Do you think I could see the manager" said the Colonel.
"Can you see that little orange letter 'R' on your friends T-Shirt" replied Nigel.
"Yes"
"Then there's nothing wrong with your eyesight, you'd be able to see the manager no problem," said Nigel, "Your friends
T-Shirt is like what an optician uses to test your eyes with."

"I must say" said Nigel to Ron, "The colour of your shirt matches your hair lovely."
"Oh thanks" replied Ron, "I've that many shirts I didn't know which one to wear. Can you recommend any shorts" he said, feeling thirsty.
"I particularly like Antoine's tight little denim ones" he whispered to Ron. "Especially when he bends over to take a tin of soup
out of the fridge."
"I.....er.....I'll just have a glass of water" gulped Ron. Nigel disappeared to fetch his water.
"Ron, you little liar" said Callie, "You've only brought two T-Shirts with you."
"I know" replied Ron, "I was only trying to be friendly."
"Well it certainly worked" said Steve, "He was definitely friendly."

Nigel returned with Ron's glass of water. It was full of multi-coloured umbrellas and sparklers going off.
"Blimey" said Ron, "I don't know whether to drink it or take a photo of it."

"Haven't you got anything you could tempt me with" asked the Colonel.
"Can I interest you in an old banger" replied Nigel. "I don't think we want to hear this" said Steve.
"No, I'm trying to sell my car" he replied.

"Right, I've had enough of this" exclaimed the Colonel, "You're not getting any of our business. Come on everyone, we're going
to the fish and chip shop next door". They all left.

"Antoine love" shouted Nigel, "Six fish and chips coming up next door."
"Blimey" replied Antoine in a deep gruff voice, "Our new fish and chip shop next door's doing a roaring trade since you joined
us as a waiter Nigel."

Back at the caravan they were all trying to unwind. "How about putting the radio on?" asked Callie. "Gawd Blimey" replied
Slugger, "Every time we put it on it's bad news." "Oh let's give it one more chance" said Ron. Slugger switched it on.
"And tonight is music night"........"Oh that sounds promising" said Callie......."And this is Sid Spencer with the sounds you like
to hear....." "Oh this should be good" remarked Slugger......"We're going to be playing songs that you the audience have
requested us to play" said Sid........"Oh this is more like it" said the Colonel, settling back in his chair and lighting his pipe.
"So these are the top six songs you voted for" said Sid...."And we'll be hearing them all a little later........And at No.6 it's
"On a Carousel" by the Hollies. "Hey that's your song Dora" said Callie, "You went on one today." And in at No.5 said Sid
is Simon and Garfunkel's "Are you going to Scarborough fair." "I don't think so" said Callie, "It doesn't agree with my stomach."
"And it's an old favourite at No.4" exclaimed Sid, "There's a hole in my bucket". " 'Ere, that's your song Colonel" said Slugger.
"And now the top three, and in at No.3 is Engelbert's "The Last Waltz". "That's your Song Slugs" said Ron, "Yeah, I'll
definitely not be goin' on that again" he said. And the song that almost made No.1 is.....Chuck Berry's "My Ding A Ling".
They all cheered and sang "We want you to play with your ding a ling." Ron went all red and embarrassed.

"And so here's the song you all want to hear said Sid, It's No.1, It's...Mike Reid's...... "The Ugly Duckling."

"The Ugly Duckling" exclaimed Ron........".HAAAARGGGGH...........All covered in dog poo............HAAAAARRRGH....." he was
doubled up with laughter. That's your song Steve" he said, holding his stomach, howling.

"Right that's it" said Steve. He went to the Land Rover. He returned with the sledgehammer, and lifted it up high above his head.
Callie screamed. Slugger grabbed hold of his radio again.
"STOP!" Shouted the Colonel. "Stop this at once." Steve slowly lowered the hammer to the ground.
"It's been a long harrowing day" said the Colonel, "Let's all calm down. Now, I said earlier we would be celebrating, let
me explain. Whilst we were at the fair I bumped into an old friend of mine, Charlie Richardson. Charlie's the chief
mechanic at the fair, he can make or repair anything from buses to tractors. Forty years ago I introduced him to his wife
to be Anne, they're still married now. They were both standing under a horse chestnut tree at a garden party when
I sort of got them together. Charlie always said he owed me a favour. So when I explained that I needed an electric milk float to help a horse called Chestnut, Charlie readily agreed, he saw it as a sort of Omen because of where they met. He's got all the materials
he needs, collected over the years, and it'll be ready in a couple or days, and it'll only cost us a nominal fee.
I've phoned Mr Turner and he's happy with the deal, so we'll be taking Chestnut back to Follyfoot in the horse box. We'll send
our luggage on by train and pick it up at the station at Leeds."

"Oh Uncle thank you" said Dora, throwing her arms around him.
"Well you've got Ron to thank" replied the Colonel.
"Ron" said Steve, relaxing his grip on the sledgehammer.
"Yes, he convinced me that Chestnut was worth saving" replied The Colonel, "And that Follyfoot should be the place for him to go."

Dora looked towards Ron. The poor good for nothing Ron. The Joker in the pack.
And she looked into his eyes. And she saw what the Colonel saw. Warmth, endearment and a fondness of Follyfoot.
And she smiled. And Ron gave a little smile back, then looked towards the ground.

And Dora looked out of the open door, and in the gathering dusk, just for a fleeting second, she thought she could see
the Lightning tree, it's branches like arms reaching out for her.

"One things for sure" said Dora softly.
"I'll forget a lot of things in my lifetime.
 But I'll never forget the summer of '76".


                                                                              THE END
Cut out the strong to help the weak