Author Topic: Dreams do come true.  (Read 565 times)

Offline pete.r.

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Dreams do come true.
« on: November 20, 2015, 03:45:25 PM »
                                                                 Dreams do come true.
A story in four parts.

PART 1

Slugger was sat at the table with pen and paper. "Hey Slugger, what're you doin'?" asked Steve.
"I'm composin' " he replied. "More like decomposin' " said Ron, "Cor, what a stink in 'ere Slugs" he said, putting his neckerchief over
his mouth and nose. "Oh Slugger, you've come in wearing your mucking out boots" said Dora, "It smells awful, they're covered in horse poo."
"So what exactly are you writing Slugger?" asked the Colonel.
"I'm puttin' an advert in the paper" he replied.
"What, you buyin' air freshener in bulk then" said Ron. "No, it's an advert that's going in the Tockwith Times" said Slugger. I'm
lookin' for a Mrs Slugger." "Does she know?" exclaimed Steve.
"Well she's not in 'ere" answered Ron, looking in the pantry. "Perhaps she's under the table" he continued, looking underneath it.
"Cor blimey" he said, sneezing, "You should see the muck and dust under 'ere."
"Nah" replied Slugger, "The adverts goin' in their lonely 'earts column. I'm lookin' for a wife."

There was an uncomfortable silence.
"Yes" said the Colonel, eventually, nervously tapping his pipe on the arm of his chair, "Yes, it is difficult trying to find that certain
someone special. I remember I once met a lady at a church jumble sale, It was fete."
"Whatever 'appened to 'er?" asked Slugger.
"Well, apparently she worked for those people that produce the Ordnance Survey maps" he said.
"In the end, she went her way and I went mine."
"Yeah" said Slugger, "Would've been a bit awkward tellin' 'er to get lost."
"Well I think it's a lovely idea Slugs" answered Dora. "What have you written?". They all gathered round.

"Gentleman"......"That's a debateable start" interrupted Ron. "Early fortyish" ..."'Ang about" exclaimed Ron, "Your fifty if your a day
Slugs, that's more like your waist measurement. Next you'll be tellin' us you're six foot three and eleven stone."
"Actually I put six foot two" said Slugger.
"Well you were this mornin' with all that 'orse muck piled under your boots"Ron replied.
"And size 14 shoes" said Slugger. "Jolly well  hope not" replied Dora, "You bring enough horse muck in as it is with your size 8's.
"Adventurous cook" continued Slugger.
"Well you're right there Slugs" said Steve, "Every meal you cook for us is an adventure." "More like a nightmare" muttered Ron.
"Good around the house".......They all looked up. Sluggers dirty, stinking, smelly footprints started from the front door and were in the
hall, the kitchen, and the living room.
"Well he's right about that" said Steve, "He hasn't missed anywhere."
"Not to worry" said Ron, " 'E'll sweep em under the table later."
"Wishes to meet an appalling lady"......"Just a second" said Steve, "I think you mean an appealing lady."
"Oh yeah" replied Slugger crossing bits out.
"I think 'ees more chance with what ee first put" said Ron.
"For good times and marriage"....
" 'Ere, ang about" said Ron, "Which one do you want Slugs?"
"Any age" continued Slugger.
"Oh I think you should be more specific regarding age" said Dora. "Do you think so?" said Slugger.
"Oh definitely"joined in the Colonel. "It'll look much more professional."
"Right" said Slugger, scribbling bits out again, "Wishes to meet lady 16-102 years old. There,you're right, that looks better."
"Well that's narrowed the competition down a bit" said Steve. "By about one. Sure you've left enough room for manouvre Slugs?"
"Yeah I'm not too fussy" he replied.
"Let's 'ope 'ooever you meet isn't as well" said Ron.
"GSOH"........
"GSOH", What's that?" asked Dora. "Dunno" he replied, "But I saw it in an advert last week, it looks good."
"It stands for" Good Sense Of Humour" exclaimed the Colonel. "That's something they'll certainly need when they meet Slugger" said Ron. "I think you'll find most of the lonely hearts have it in their adverts" said the Colonel.

"Uncle" said Dora, "How do you know that?"
"Oh, I er..." Blushed the Colonel. "It was a cryptic clue in one of your crosswords you did last week wern't it " smiled Ron. "1 Down."
"Yes, yes of course" he replied puffing on his pipe until a smoke screen covered his red face. "Yes, thank you Ron."
"2 Down was "What's brown, smokes and comes out of cows backwards?"
"Oh Ron" said Dora, pulling a face. "Go on then" said Steve. "What's the answer?"
"The Isle of Wight ferry."

"Right" continued Slugger, "Where was I" He said, looking at his piece of paper. "Oh yeah, "Fat, short women needn't apply."
"Oh for Heavens sake" exclaimed the Colonel, "You can't write that Slugger." "Can't I?" he replied.
"No" said Dora, "Use a different word, try using the word obese. Slugger scribbled more bits out.
"Right" he said, "Fat, obese women needn't apply."
" 'Ere" said Ron, "There's more crossing out on this than on me mate's Birth Certificate when the Registrar tried to spell 'is name,
Akkinnvoye Weerasethakul."
"Blimey" said Slugger, "Is 'ee from foreign parts then."
"Yeah, replied Ron, " 'Ee's from Rochdale.

"So how does this lonely hearts column work Slugs?" asked Dora. "Well, I send me advert in, no one knows who's written it, you don't
have to give your name if you don't want to, so I'm just giving our address."
"Probably a good idea" replied Ron, "The name Slugger don't exactly radiate a feeling of warmth, charm, sophistication and romance."

"Anyway" said Slugger, "It's foolproof." "The proof'll be in how many fools answer it" exclaimed Steve. "Why exactly did you put an
advert in the Tockwith times?" asked the Colonel. "Well, a mate of mine who works in the chip shop at Tockwith put an advert in a few
weeks ago. He got 968 replies."
"Good Lord" exclaimed the Colonel, "That's about the wlole female population of Tockwith."
"Yeah" replied Slugger, mind you, he did give a false name."
"What name did he give?" asked Steve.
"Paul McCartney."

"Right" said Dora, "I'm going to take Copper out hor half an hour." " 'Ere said Slugger, "Could you post my advert for me, if you're
going near a post box that is. It should go in Tuesday night's paper then."
"Of course" replied Dora. "No need" said Ron, "I'll take it on me bike and post it now, make sure it gets there on time."
"Oh no you won't" said Slugger, "I know you Ron, you'll open it and alter the wording, you'll write something stupid."
Everyone raised their eyebrows.
"Write something stupid" exclaimed Ron, "No one could put anything more stupid than what you've penned there Slugs. Yeah, I was
gonna open it and rewrite it. I was gonna put something snappy and full of wit, not what you've put Slugs, something wappy and
full of..." "I'll post the letter now" Dora interrupted, taking it of Slugger. "I hope you get a lot of replies."

"Should be an interesting week" said Steve, "What do you think Colonel.?"
"Yes, yes it should be" came a voice from behind a thick grey smog.

To be continued.........
 


Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline pete.r.

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Re: Dreams do come true.
« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2015, 02:48:25 PM »
PART 2

Dora went for a ride. On the way she passed a woman also on a horse. "Hello" said the woman, "A lovely day for riding."
"Yes" replied Dora, "Except I think there's something wrong with your horse, she's trotting awkwardly." "I've only had her a few days,
I bought her from Lockwoods" said the woman, "Her name's Lucky Lady." "Lockwoods" exclaimed Dora, "That explains everything, can
I take a look." "Of course" she replied.
"Easy girl" said Dora as she checked her hooves. "Here" she said, "She's got an abscess on her left rear hoof. I should walk her back home
and call a vet, they can treat it."
"Thank you" she replied, "Lucky Lady was lucky she met you. My name's Florence." "I'm Dora from Follyfoot."
"What's Follyfoot?"
"We take in unwanted and poorly horses" replied Dora, patting Lucky Lady, "And look after them. I suppose you could say we're a bit
like a mum and dad to them, everyone needs a mum and dad don't they?"
"Thank you" she replied, "I havn't got far to walk."

Dora arrived back at Follyfoot. "Had a good ride?" asked Steve.
"Yes" she replied, "Except a woman was riding a horse she'd just bought from Lockwoods that had an abscess in it's hoof."
"Lockwoods" replied Steve, raising his voice. "She actually seemed very nice" said Dora.
"They should be stopped" exclaimed Steve, getting irratable. "Oh, and I've posted your letter Slugs" said Dora.
"Great" he replied, "I'll go and dust me bowler 'at."
"Well I 'ope you make a better job of it than you 'ave with the farmhouse" said Ron. "Last time I saw as many cobwebs about was on
the ghost train at Harrogate fair. And it 'adn't been used for years either."

"Where's Slugger?" asked Dora, a few days later. "Have you seen him Steve?, he's not helped me muck out this morning."
"He's done up like a dog's dinner" he replied.
"Talkin' of which, where's breakfast? said Ron, "I'm starvin'. Can't smell no bacon burnin' either." Slugger appeared wearing a smart
black jacket, white shirt, grey trousers and a black bowler hat and tie.
" 'Ere, goin to a funeral then" said Ron.
"It's Wednesday" replied Slugger, "Me advert went in last night's paper, I'm 'oping to meet some lady's today."
"Same difference" exclaimed Ron.
"An' I 'ain't muckin' out  and no fry ups either, just toast today. Not gonna get me clothes dirty."
"Thank you Bert the second" chipped in Steve.
"Well, at least It'll give our stomach's time to recover before the next bacon 'n eggs are cremated" said Ron, "You could wear your outfit for that."

"Perhaps you've got a photograph of yourself when you were a baby you could show people" said the Colonel. "Ladies love that sort
of thing."
"Yeah" awswered Ron, "One of you wearing your silly green 'at. Or maybe one of you wearing your little bootees all covered in..."
"Pooh" exclaimed Slugger.
"Exactly" replied Ron.
"No, Pooh was my teddy bear" said Slugger. He rummaged around in a drawer. "Here you are" he said, producing a well worn snap,
"This is me and Pooh in my pram."
"Oh isn't that sweet" said Dora.
"Isn't it just" said Ron, "I'd recognise you anywhere Slugs. That cheeky grin, those sticky up ears, that little red top."
"That's Pooh" barked Slugger. "I'm the other one."

"Hey" shouted Steve, "A car's just pulled up outside, a woman's driving it. "Blimey" said Slugger, "I've got to go to the toilet."
"Nerves I expect" exclaimed Steve.
"That or the fragrant lamb with prunes stew we had for supper last night" said Ron."
"I've  'ad the trots all mornin' an' ain't been on a 'orse yet."
The Colonel answered the door. "Good Lord!" he exclaimed. "Phyllis Wetherby."
"Good morning Colonel" she answered. "Saw your advert in the paper last night. You're looking for marriage. So am I, right."
"Yes, quite so" replied the Colonel. Slugger reappeared.
"Slugger, it's Phyllis Wetherby."
"Oh gawd" said Slugger, "I need the toilet again."
"No, it's alright" said the Colonel, "She's come about the advert I put in the Lonely Hearts column in the local paper."
" 'Ere, you've put a advert in the paper" said Slugger smiling. " 'Ood 'ave thought that."
"Yes, who indeed" replied the Colonel.
"I thought a small Registry Office wedding and a honeymoon somewhere down south" said Phyllis.
" 'Ere, 'ow about the Isle of Wight, right," grinned Ron. "Yes, you can go on the ferry" smiled Steve.
"A friend of mine won a trip to the Isle of Wight after winning a Beatles competition" replied Phyllis. "She got a ticket to Ryde."

Suddenly a horse's rump passed the window. "And that dirty smelly beast will be the first thing to go" she exclaimed.
"That's Copper" shouted Dora, "He's going nowhere."
"I don't mean the horse, I mean him" said Phyllis, looking at Slugger. "And do your flies up, I can see your.."  "Dick-a Dum Dum's rising up
the charts I see" said Ron glancing at the newspaper, "Should be another hit for Des O' Connor."
"Oh I'm sorry, we havn't offered you anything" said the Colonel, "There's some breakfast left. What've we got Slugger, black coffee,
white toast.?" "Nah" said Slugger, "White coffee, black toast."
"Or we've got some nice fragrant lamb with prunes stew leftovers" said Ron.
"I'm sure she'd prefer a few dates with the Colonel rather than the prunes" exclaimed Steve.
"Well, when you've decided what you're going to do Colonel give me a ring" said Phyllis walking out. "Preferably a wedding ring."
"I doubt that very much" he  murmoured.
"Thanks Colonel" said Slugger. "I owe you one."

That afternoon there was a knock at the door. Steve answered it. "Blimey" he exclaimed, "Wendy."
"Hello Steve" she replied, "I saw your advert in the paper, I was just passing. Got the sports car outside, do you fancy a spin around
the block" she said.
"Yeah" muttered Slugger, "I've 'eard she's been around the block a few times."
"Or perhaps we should go into town" said Wendy," maybe you'd like to buy me something that's got diamonds in it Steve."
" 'Ow about a pack of playin' cards" shouted Ron.
There was another knock at the door. Callie walked in wearing her hot pants outfit. "Hello Steve" she said, starrey-eyed, "I saw your
advert in the Tockwith Times. Mummy was looking in the "Items for sale" for ear plugs. Oh isn't he wonderful" she said. "I've got my
tandem outside, thought perhaps you'd fancy a ride. You can sit at the back and enjoy the view."
"Yeah 'ee certainly will" said Ron, "Wearing them clothes."
"And mummy's put a new bell on my bike" she said." Would you like to see my ding-a-ling Steve?"
"Don't fink ee'll be able to miss it" said Slugger.

"I'm sorry" said Dora," but Steve's far to busy today to be messing around with you two. We've work to do."
"And you have to do what Dora says don't you Steve" answered Wendy. "Well, I er..." stammered Steve.
Suddenly there was a roar of a loud engine entering the yard. "Who on earth's that" cried out the Colonel.
"Blimey" said Ron, "It's Miss Emily Derwent on a motorbike." She pulled up at the door.
" 'Ere" shouted Ron, "She's seen  your advert Steve and wants to know if you fancy riding pillion with her and go on a burn up."
"Blimey" said Slugger, "The last time she did a burn up was when she'd got hemorrhoids. I know the advert said aged 16-102, still
 one out of three's not bad."
"For Heaven's sake Emily" cried out the Colonel, "You'll kill yourself."
Emily opened up the throttle, the back wheel skidded round in the mud, and she was off up the lane doing about 70 m.p.h.
The Colonel stood there, covered in head to foot with mud and horse dung.
"Right, enough's enough " he said, angrily spitting out bits of dirt.
"Think I'll make a quick exit" said Wendy, "The Colonel's fuming."
"Yeah, it's the fresh 'orse muck wot does it" replied Slugger. "Perhaps some other time Steve" said Wendy.
"And I'm surprised at you Callie" exclaimed Dora. "I've just three words to say to you...... ON YER BIKE."


To be continued.........






Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline pete.r.

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Re: Dreams do come true.
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2015, 03:44:23 PM »
PART 3

"You've got something to answer for Slugger" said the Colonel, emptying a dark sludge out of his pipe. "What's the matter" said Ron,
"Didn't you enjoy your spin then?". "That's another one I owe you Colonel Sir" exclaimed Slugger, delicately wiping the Colonel's
filthy jacket with his hat. "Just leave me alone" he replied, storming off.
"Deary, deary me," said Ron, "You're looking for a suitor Slugs, now the Colonel's looking for a suit, and friendly, trendy Wendy's in a
trembly frenzy."
"Modus Vivendi" said Dora quietly, before walking off.
Steve stood there bemused. "What did Dora mean" he said.
"It's Latin me old mate" replied Ron, "It's over the 'eads of us peasants, you need an I.Q. of about a thousand to understand it. Or
be an idiot." Slugger stood there smiling. "What're you grinning at?" exclaimed Steve.
"She noticed I'd got the house spick and spam for any visitors coming today" answered Slugger.
"What're you talking about Slugs?" said Steve.
"Well, you 'eard what she said" replied Slugger, "No Dust, it's Wednesday."
"I rest my case" said Ron.

Two days later there was a knock at the door. A nervous Slugger opened it. A rather solid well built woman was standing there.
"I don't believe it!" she exclaimed, "Slugger Jones, well I never. I'd recognise you anywhere.  So you're looking for marriage."
"Do I know you?" asked Slugger.
"Yes, we met at the Tockwith beauty pageant competition in 1942 she said."
"What, you were a beauty queen" said Slugger. "No, I was a bouncer on the door" she replied.
"No, I don't remember you, what's your name?
"Bertha Carillon"
"Nah, that name don't ring any bells" said Slugger.
"You knew me as Big Bertha" she answered. "I wonder why" came a comment from Ron from the back of the room.
"Big Bertha was my nickname, you must remember me. A week later I got 8 draws on Littlewoods Pools and won the top dividend."
"Oh yeah, Big Bertha, of course I remember you" said Slugger. "You avn't changed a bit, looking as lovely as ever."
"My hairs gone grey" she replied, "It was black."
"Well you're ageing gracefully" said Slugger.
"And I got six teeth knocked out, comes with the job."
"Oh well, I 'spect you're good at whistling" Slugger exclaimed.
"And my nose got broke" she continued, "It's bent."
"Oh yeah" said Slugger. "Still, it's kind of cute. How much did you say you won?". "12 pounds 50p she replied, it was the week there
were a record 28 draws, nearly everyone won."
"Well thanks for calling" said Slugger, "I'll put you on my short list." Off she went.
" 'Ere" said Ron, "Your short list certainly is short Slugs. Only the one on it. Still, quality not quantity" he said, grinning.

All of a sudden there was a knock at the door. "Get that could you Ron" shouted the Colonel, "It might be another of Slugger's harem."
Ron answered the door, a slice of toast in his hand. "Oh Lady Carne" he said, "You'll be wanting" "Yes I am wanting she interrupted. I'm
wanting you Ronnie. I've just seen your advert in the Tockwith Times. You're looking to court someone with a view to marriage."
Ron dropped his slice of toast on the floor.
"I've always liked you Ronnie" she said. "Todays your lucky day."
" 'Ere, you're right there" answered Ron, "Me toast landed buttered side up."
"I like younger men" she said seductively, "Do you like older ladies Ronnie?" she said, winking at him.
Ron stepped back, Lady Carne followed. She put her arms around him. He stepped back again and onto the buttered toast and
skidded back and onto the settee with Lady Carne on top of him.
" 'Ere, be careful" he said, "You nearly squashed me maracas."
"I beg your pardon" she replied, sitting up.
"Me maracas" said Ron, "They're in me back pocket. Dora's dad sent 'em over from Brazil but she ain't musically minded, she don't know
'ow to shake 'em so she gave them to me."
"Perhaps you'd like me to shake your maracas" said Lady Carne, slowly unbuttoning her cardigan. "Would you like to call me
mischievous Martha" she purred. Suddenly she got hold of Ron's T-Shirt and yanked it over his head and off.
"Oh what lovely big muscles you have" she said, running her fingers over Ron's weedy arms.
Ron opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Her fingers wandered across his chest and then moved down towards his belt.
"Let's see if we can find some more lovely muscles" she continued.
"Just a minute" answered Ron in a high pitched voice. "Hurr'm hurr'm" he said, his voice back to normal. "Someone might come in."
"Then we'd better be quick" she said. "Can you be quick Ronnie?. But first, we're going to play a little game." She took off Ron's
neckerchief. "I'm going to blindfold you with this" she said, putting it over his eyes and tying it behind his head.
" 'Ere great" said Ron, "Are we going to play blind man's buff then?"
"No, not blind man's buff Ronnie" she replied. "I'm going to count to three, then you take the blindfold off and you get a surprise. Ready?"
"Ready" said Ron.
"One"
Ron started sweating profusely.
"Two"
 " 'Ere, I can 'ardly wait" said Ron. "I'm gettin' excited."
"And three."
Ron tore off the blindfold. "Oh my gawd" he said.

Martha Carne stood there. Next to her stood the Colonel, Slugger, Dora and Steve. All fully clothed.
" 'Ere, what's goin' on" exclaimed Ron, trying to cover his bare chest with his arms.
"We thought we'd give you a taste of your own medicine Ronnie" said the Colonel.
"What do you mean" replied Ron.
"Phyllis Wetherby, Wendy, Callie and Emily Derwent. They didn't see the advert in the Tockwith Times" said the Colonel. "You set it all up
as a joke. You rang Phyllis Wetherby and Wendy and Callie up. You knew Phyllis didn'd like Slugger and would do it. And Wendy and
Callie wouldn't take much persuading to see Sleve again. And I presume Emily Derwent was Lewis Hammond dressed as a woman
wearing a wig."
"Yeah, that's right" said Ron.
"So how do you like it, the joke being on you? Thank you Martha" said the Colonel. "You were very good" said Dora, blushing.
"Anytime" she replied. "Actually, I rather enjoyed being mischievous Martha."

"But 'ow did you know?" asked Ron. " 'Ow did you work it out?"
"Easy" replied the Colonel. "The Tockwith Times phoned the day before yesterday apologising that the advert hadn't gone in the paper
due to a clerical error, it actually went in last nights edition. So we knew someone was playing the fool. It wasn't me, and it's not the
sort of thing Steve and Dora would do. But this prank's right up your street, You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to work it out. I
presume the only genuine person was Big Bertha who came today."
"Yeah it was me" said Ron. "With a bit of 'elp from Lewis. Big Bertha was nothing to do with me. I tried to get Mrs Porter to ride into
the farm on an 'orse dressed in a tight fitting pink cat suit so she looked like Lady Godiva but she wern't 'avin any of it."
"I'm not surprised" exclaimed the Colonel, "She'd have looked more like the Pink Panther."
"It's not that" said Ron, "She just didn't fancy Slugger."
"That just about sums me up" replied Slugger.
"No one out there wants me. Who'd want to share their life with me. I'm just a loner."
He turned away to hide his sad face.

To be continued.........









 
Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline pete.r.

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Re: Dreams do come true.
« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2015, 02:41:46 PM »
PART 4

Slugger walked towards the Lightning tree and put his hands on it. " Oo'd fancy me" he said, "An ageing old moron. They'd need to
be blind." "And no sense of smell would 'elp as well" replied Ron. "Yeah" said Slugger, "The stables do pong a bit."
"I meant when you're in the 'ouse wearin' your boots" said Ron. "And they'd need to have a stomach like a dustbin" exclaimed Steve.

"I just wanted someone to love, someone to change my life" answered Slugger. Dora walked over. "Oh Slugger" she said, "You'll find
that someone."
"Be a bloomin' miracle then" said Ron.
Dora put her hands on the tree. "Come on everyone, let's wish together. You see, your dream will come true Slugs."
Steve, Ron, Dora and Slugger all made a wish. "Right" said Ron, "Now that nonsense's over I'll.....OUCH!" He cried out as a
piece of the trees bough snapped off and hit him on the head, felling him to the ground.
"Hey" exclaimed Steve, "It worked, my wish came true."
"What did you wish for?" answered Dora. "That something would knock some sense into his stupid head" replied Steve.
Ron sat up. He was as white as a sheet. Steve walked off, grinning. But he didn't see the empty bucket. He put his foot in it and went
straight down in a heap, landing with his face in a puddle of mud. He sat up, his hands and face all black.
" 'Ere, my wish came true as well" said Ron.
"What did you wish for?" asked Dora. "That something would wipe that silly smirk off Steve's face" he said.
"Gawd" said Slugger, "Just look at the pair of yer." Steve stood up, angrily shaking his leg to remove the bucket.
Ron got up gingerly, delicately prodding his Jeans.
"He's just checking his maracas" said Lady Carne walking by.
"Are you alright Ron?" asked Dora. "No sense no feeling" said Steve.
"What about you Steve?" she said. "Here's mud in your eye" Ron answered.

The Colonel walked over to the tree and put his hands on it. " 'Ere, wot you doin'" said Ron.
"Er, well" replied the Colonel, "I thought I'd give it a go, seeing as how it seems to be on form today." He closed his eyes and made a wish. Immediately a Royal Mail van pulled into the yard. The postman got out.
"Charles Aznavour?" he asked. "Follyfoot Farm."
"Oh, er, yes......that's me" said the Colonel. The postman undid the back of his van and pulled out a huge sack of letters and struggled
with it before dumping them on the ground in front of the Colonel.
"There you are Charles" he said, "There's all your replies from the Tockwith Times Dating Agency."
"Good Lord" exclaimed the Colonel.
"Good Grief" cried out Steve.
"Good on yer" said Ron.
"Good luck" murmoured a jealous Slugger.
"Good day" said the postman.
"Good Heavens Uncle" shouted an angry Dora.
"Blimey" Steve uttered, "I reckon you've beaten Paul McCartneys record there Colonel for the most number of replies."
"It was just a pen name I used Dora" said the Colonel. "A sort of nom de plume. It was just a joke."
"Well" replied Dora, looking at the pile of letters, "I just hope they've all got a GSOH Uncle."
Ron and Steve broke into a duet singing "She may be the face I can't forget."
The postman walked off. "Blimey" he said, "First I meet Charles Aznavour and then get serenaded by the Black and White Minstrels."
It's better 'ere than at the London Palladium."

Steve went to the house to wash his hands and face, the Colonel trundled behind him dragging his sack of letters. Suddenly a car
pulled into the yard. A woman got out. "I know that woman" said Dora.
"Slugger Jones" said the woman. "Yeah that's me" he replied "Do I know you?"
"No, she answered, "But you should do, my name's Florence."
" 'Ere, that's a lovely name" said Slugger.
"My full name's Florence Carillon."
"Just a minute" said Slugger. "Carillon. Was that your mum just been to see me?"
"Yes" she replied. You met her during the war. You only knew her for about 24 hours. You had a, how can I say, a romantic night
together in an Anderson Shelter. She was a wrestler. You only knew her by her professional wrestling name, Big Bertha."
"Yes I remember her. We were both frightened to death the sirens might go off and we'd be disturbed" replied Slugger.
"She said you were the nicest, kindest most loving man she'd ever met. The next day you had to go back to Aldershot. There was a war
to fight. Mum went home. You didn't know where each other lived. You didn't even know her real name, so you couldn't get in touch
with each other. You never saw each other again,"
"Until today" said Slugger, "When she turned up."
"We live in Tockwith" continued Florence." Mum bought the paper and saw the advert. Something made her answer it, she doesn't
know what. She told me next day she'd written to a man at Follyfoot. I said what a coincidence, I met the girl who runs it the other
day, Dora, she helped my horse. She's seen the vet, she's getting better now."

"Of course" exclaimed Dora, "That's how I know you."
"Mum couldn't believe it when she saw it was Slugger. She hurried back to tell me" said Florence.
"So why are you here?" asked Dora.
"Because" said Florence, "After that night in the shelter, mum was pregnant."
"Oh gawd" exclaimed Slugger, "You're......." "Yes, I'm your daughter. I can't believe fate has brought us together Dad" said Florence.
Slugger lurched forward and grabbed hold of the Lightning Tree to stop himself from collapsing.

The Colonel and Steve came out of the house.
"Good Lord" said the Colonel, his wise head looking at the woman. "What a striking resemblance you bear to Slugger when he was younger."
"Hey" shouted Steve, "Is that another one from the dating agency Slugs, she's a cracker. You've hit the jackpot there mate, you ought
to ask her mother to go out with you."
Slugger hung onto the tree. "I just wanted someone to love, someone to make me happy, someone to share my life with and give me
a reason to carry on living" he said. He looked at Florence. She smiled.
"And now I've found her. I've found the love of my life" he said, smiling too.
"And I'm a  lucky lady" she replied, giving Slugger a big hug.

"I'm sorry mum couldn't be with us at this moment" said Florence, "But she's at home looking after your grandson."
"Grandson," exclaimed Slugger, "You mean I'm........I'm a grandad."
"Yes" she replied. "I'll take you to see him later." She reached in her pocket and pulled out a photograph.
"Here's a picture of him taken a few weeks ago in his pram" she said.
"Blimey, look Slugs" said Ron, "Ee's got a Pooh bear with a little red top on just like the one you 'ad."
"Good Heavens" exclaimed the Colonel.
"It's his favourite teddy" she said.
"Slugger Junior loves him."
"Slugger Junior" said Slugger. "You mean you named him after me even though you'd never met me."
"Yes" she replied.

Slugger's strong hands, toughened through years of boxing, tightened their grip on the Lightning Tree.
He closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the tree trunk.
"Thank you" he said, his lips quivering........."Thank you."
Everyone stood round. No one spoke. No one moved a muscle.
Slugger opened his moistened eyes and looked upwards towards the tree's branches.

"You were right Dora", he said.

"Dreams do come true."

                                                                                   THE END
Cut out the strong to help the weak