PART 4
"Right" said the Colonel, "The last people to come and look at a horse are -oh, another firm" he said, looking at his bit of paper.
"Trotters Independent Trading Company, New York, Paris and Peckham it says here."
"Wow" said Steve, "They sound a really experienced, successful, international business consortium." "Here they are now" said Slugger.
A grubby three wheeled yellow Reliant Regal van pulled into the yard. Four men got out. Slugger opened the door.
"Ah, glad to see you, I'm Colonel Maddocks."
"Lovely jubbly" replied a well dressed man, "I'm Del Boy." "And I'm Uncle Albert" said an old man with a beard. Ron was drinking a mug
of tea. "'Ere Slugs" he said, "'Ee looks just like that bloke who advertises Birds Eye fish fingers on t.v."
"Yeah" exclaimed Slugger, "Maybe we can get him to star in the Colonel's next blockbuster advert."
"Follyfoot Farm, that's a stupid name" said a third man who was tall and slim. "What idiot called it that? By the way, my name's Trigger."
Ron almost choked on his tea.
"Good Lord" said the Colonel looking out of the window at the van, "What's that horrible thing doing in the yard.?"
"Oh sorry about that" replied Del Boy looking out of the window. "Rodders, Rodders, come in here" he shouted. "You're making the
place look untidy."
"Blimey, don't tell me Roy Rogers is here as well" said Slugger. Rodney came in. "You plonker" said Del.
"'Ere Del, they've got two donkeys here" said Rodney. "That's nothing" replied Del, "I've got three."
"Hey Del Boy" said Uncle Albert, "I thought that's what we came here for." "What, you want our donkeys?" said Dora.
"Well, I had this idea" said Del. "Where we live, in Nelson Mandela House in Peckham, there's nothing much for the kids to do."
"'Cept nick cars and then set fire to 'em" said Rodney. "Yeah, I wondered why we sold loads of petrol cans this year Dave"
said Trigger. "'Ere, during the war" said Uncle Albert...." So I thought if we had a lorry load of sand delivered we could make it like a seaside place and give donkey rides to the kids" continued Del Boy."We can make a fortune."
"So you want to use our donkeys as beach donkeys" said Steve. "'Ere Dave, why didn't we think of that?" said Trigger to Rodney.
"That tree outside" exclaimed Del, "Has anyone ever been hung from it?""Funny you should say that" said Slugger.
"Because someone's about to be" said Del looking at Trigger.
"Do you think this idea will work Del?" said Rodney. "He who dares wins Rodders. "This time next year we'll be millionaires" he replied.
"Where exactly do you live?" asked Dora. "In a council high rise tower block" answered Rodney. "But you can't possibly look after them
and feed them properly" said the Colonel. "Plus the fact our donkeys aren't working donkeys."
"We're not going to send them to work" said Rodney, "They'll be on the beach, it'll be just like a holiday."
"You plonker Rodney" said Del Boy. "No I'm sorry, it's out of the question" replied the Colonel.
"I could always throw in a free blow up doll" said Del, we've still got some left over from our last business deal.
"Lovely Jubbly" said an excited Ron. "'Ere, during the war" said Uncle Albert...."What on earth would I want a blow up doll for" said
a bemused Colonel. "The mind boggles" said Slugger. "Hey, you could always stick it in the barn leaning on a rake" Steve said, "It'd
do the same amount of work as Ron then." "Cushty" said Del Boy.
"Well I'm sorry we couldn't do business with you, we'll see ourselves out" said Del.
The Colonel sat in his chair. "Well, what a waste of time that advert was" he said. "We havn't even sold one horse."
"We're doomed" said Ron, "We're all doomed." "'Ere, during the war" said Slugger.......There was a knock at the door.
"Is that someone at the door Slugger?" asked the Colonel. "Bloomin' 'ope not" he replied, "I've about run out of me nerve tablets."
"Well don't just sit there" said the Colonel, open the door Slugger, you never know, with any luck it could be someone come to buy
one of our horses."
"Yeah" replied Slugger, and you never know, with any luck it could be someone 'oos not stark ravin' bonkers."
"Blimey", said Slugger looking out of the door. "What is it?" said the Colonel. "Come and look" he replied. Outside in the yard people
were milling about everywhere. Steptoe and Son walked by. "We took all that rubbishy lead piping out of your khazi" said Harold,
"It was all old and manky, just like me dad. "We've weighed it in at the scrapyard with some of our stuff" continued Albert, "And
bought you new lead piping and replaced it for you. "Blimey", exclaimed the Colonel.
"Look!" shouted Dora. "On the roof."
There was Frank, in his beret and raincoat, walking along the roof carrying a chimney pot. "He'll kill himself" said the Colonel.
Frank deftly climbed down a ladder. "Whilst we were at the builder's merchants we got you a new chimney pot" he said. "The old
one was dangerous. I've cemented it in." "Crikey" said Steve, looking up at it, "He's done a good job too." "You can always use
the old one to grow flowers in" said Betty. "Incredible" replied the Colonel.
The Home Guards were there too. Their truck was full of bales of hay, they passed it down a line of soldiers into the barn.
"We noticed whilst looking around you were low on hay" said Captain Mainwaring. "We thought we'd help you out."
"Amazing" said the Colonel. "It's the least we could do" said the Captain. "See that old man in the yard next to the three wheeler van."
"You mean Uncle Albert" said Dora. "Yes," said Captain Mainwaring. "During the war he single handedly saved several of my men's
lives" he said, "When he chased an enemy sniper away who was shooting at them. He only had a rifle with a bayonet on it. He's a hero." "They don't like it up 'em" said Del Boy. "Oh, and by the way" said Trigger, "Tomorrow Dave's going to spray the back of the
van with the words "Follyfoot needs your support, please give generously," and your phone number on."
"Good Lord" replied the Colonel. "I don't believe it."
"Blimey, don't tell me Victor Meldrew's coming round next" said Slugger.
"No, that's everyone" exclaimed the Colonel, looking at his bit of paper. "Well, it looks like that Follyfoot commercial was a success" he said." In fact, I'm cushty."
"Mmmm.....nice," said Ron.
"Lovely jubbly" said Slugger.
"How awfully good of everyone" said Steve.
Dora had spent the previous morning in the office with her uncle paying all Follyfoot's bills for the month, she only had a few pence
left in her purse. She walked towards the Lightning tree, put her arms around it, and closed her eyes.
"This time next year" she said, "We'll be millionaires."
THE END