Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 67233 times)

Offline Loopy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #60 on: May 10, 2015, 08:55:25 PM »
>104< They're good ones Pete   >94<


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Offline FollyFootfan1689

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #61 on: May 11, 2015, 08:22:28 PM »
Oh Heavens they're brilliant!  ;D ;D ;D ;D


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Offline MidnightZodiac

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #62 on: May 15, 2015, 05:21:32 AM »
I knew I was unpopular in the village when I knocked on the door of the local Jehovah's Witness family... They pretended to be out.

"We shape horses, then they shape us, but, we must be what we want our horses to become."

Offline Jane

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #63 on: May 15, 2015, 06:25:27 AM »
 >104<

Offline Lord Charles

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #64 on: May 15, 2015, 08:33:32 AM »
 ;D >41<
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Offline pete.r.

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #65 on: May 15, 2015, 11:53:58 AM »
Words can't describe how limited my vocabulary is.

T'Pau. The sound a Yorkshire criminal makes hitting batman.

A suspect was arrested recently for attacking a man in a rice field with a small ceramic figurine.
It's the first case on record of a knick knack paddy whack.

I went to my Doctors today. I said "Can you help me Doc, I've got this obsession with wanting to clean the staircase constantly."
"Yes" he replied, "But we'll have to take it one step at a time."

An elderly lady started choking in the queue at Asda today. Luckily the manager jumped into action and swiftly opened another till.
Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline Jane

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #66 on: May 15, 2015, 12:22:53 PM »
 ;D

Offline FollyFootfan1689

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #67 on: May 15, 2015, 09:37:18 PM »
They are hilarious, especially the JW one!  ;D ;D ;D


Thanks Loopy for letting me borrow the caps!

Offline Tony

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #68 on: May 15, 2015, 10:04:49 PM »
 ;D
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Offline Pen.

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #69 on: May 16, 2015, 08:58:36 AM »
I like the vocabulary one.  ;D
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Offline pete.r.

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #70 on: May 29, 2015, 06:50:24 PM »
"I would have loved to have been an astronaut and gone to the moon" said my overweight mother in law a couple of years ago
as she tucked into a plate of four beefburgers chips onion rings and a pint of Guinness.
"Fantastic idea" I said. "What, me going into outer space" she replied.
"No" I said, "I've been struggling for a name for my new online greeting card company.

On my first date with this girl she asked what I did for a living. "I spend my day's chasing down leads, cleaning up the streets
and protecting the vulnerable" I said. "What, you're in the police force" she said. "No" I replied, "I'm a dog walker."

I watched a documentary last night about people walking on hot coals. It was soul destroying.

I was looking at this bloke whose lips had large steel spikes in it. "What're you looking at" he said, "I choose to be an individual
and I can still do anything you can." "Oh yeah" I said, try blowing a balloon up."

A Google executive has died on Everest due to the Nepal earthquake. A Google spokesperson said nothing could be done to
save him despite him being found in about 0.53 seconds.
Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline FollyFootfan1689

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #71 on: May 29, 2015, 07:42:02 PM »
Oh gosh, they're awful but oh so very good!  ;D ;D


Thanks Loopy for letting me borrow the caps!

Offline Loopy

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #72 on: May 30, 2015, 12:56:14 AM »
It took me a while to get the first one   :D but they all deserve a  >16<    >104<


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Offline MidnightZodiac

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #73 on: May 30, 2015, 05:42:16 AM »
I went to see that new film 'San Andreas' last night....  couldn't fault it.
"We shape horses, then they shape us, but, we must be what we want our horses to become."

Offline Jane

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #74 on: May 30, 2015, 06:54:26 AM »
It took me a while to get the first one   :D but they all deserve a  >16<    >104<

I still don't get that one after reading it 3 times  :-[ ...help!  :D

All the rest  >16<  >14<