Author Topic: Just the opposite  (Read 1001 times)

Offline pete.r.

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Just the opposite
« on: October 29, 2013, 12:12:10 AM »
A story in 3 parts

                                                        Just the opposite

It was getting late in the evening. Dora was sat with her feet up, puffing on a cigarette and drinking a large brandy.
In came the Colonel. "How do I look Dora, I'm going out clubbing now, got to look my best for the ladies, that's the
fifth time this week. I'll probably be out all night."
"You look great," said Dora, taking another draw of her cigarette and swilling back the drink.
"That white sports coat, pink shirt and trousers and pink carnation is perfect."
"O.K. then Dora " he said, "I'm off out now."
He went outside, his bright red sports car was gleaming and off he sped.

In through the door came Ron.
"I've finished all the mucking out," he said," And cleaning and feeding all the horses and done most of the creosoting that needs to be done. Been working since 4 o clock this morning none stop. Theres just the lightning tree that needs
watering Dora."
"Oh I can't be bothered with that she replied. Think we ought to cut it down to save the trouble."
"No trouble" said Ron,"I'll do it before I go home."

Then along came Slugger, jogging into the yard.
"Just been to the gym Ron" he said," Got another fight next week, got to make sure I'm in shape, need to keep working
"I'll make another early start tomorrow, I've lots of work to do" said Ron.
"Pity that Steve doesn't help " said Slugger, "Apparently it's his bad back."
"Yeah" said Ron," Can't get it out of bed."

Just then a taxi arrived and Steve got out.
"Here you are driver" said Steve," Keep the change thanks."
Steve walked into the house, Slugger followed.
"Dora", said Steve, "Sorry I can't help much tomorrow, my back's really bad. I've been to the doctors today, saw
the usual one, the one who's really eccentric. Got another sick note for a month. Oh and by the way, the doctor says
he's calling to see us this Thursday about 2 o clock. He's got the results of the health check he did on us all a couple
of weeks ago, the blood tests and urine tests and all that."
"Oh yeah, I remember that" said Slugger. "He gave us those tiny specimen jars, they were so small I couldn't wee
in them, I kept missing, so I did it in a milk bottle instead."
"Ah yes" said Steve, "The doctor did mention that actually. He said there was enough sample to last 200 years, or
there would have been if one of the receptionists in the surgery hadn't seen it and thought it was orange juice
delivered by the milkman that morning and drunk half of it."
"Now that's what I call taking the p--s said Ron."

A few minutes later Slugger shouted "Suppers ready."
"What's this?" said Steve, as Slugger poured slops out of a blackened saucepan and into his dish.
"Thats my new recipe" said Slugger.
"What is it?" Ron asked.
"It's liquidised sausage, tomato and beans," said Slugger, "Wif plenty of salt and pepper."
Steve took a spoonful then spat it out, coughing and choking.
Dora pushed her plate to one side.
"I'll save mine" said Ron, " And put it in me bikes engine later."
"What's wrong wif it?" said Slugger, "Nice bit of broth that."

"How did you liquidise it?" asked Dora.
"That blue thing in the pantry," replied Slugger, "Never used it before."
"Oh my God said Ron," That's what I used for stirring up the creosote, it had gone all lumpy at the bottom."
"Oh that's all right then" said Steve, "I thought for a minute it was Slugger's cooking in it."

To be continued............
Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline pete.r.

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Re: Just the opposite
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2013, 11:42:37 PM »

Dora swilled down more brandy and lit another cigarette.
"Are you o.k. Slugs she said," a bit slurred.
"Of course" said Slugger. "Steves not much use, I'll be up early to help you tomorrow Ron."
"O.K. " Said Ron," I'm off now, got to make an early start in the morning."
"Well try not to wake me" said Dora," You know I don't like to get up early."
"Most of the works done by then" muttered Slugger.
"What did you say?" replied Dora.
"I said I'll give you a shout about 10" said Slugger.

Suddenly a roar of motorbikes could be heard outside.
"Oh no", said Dora,"Its  those damn nightriders  again."
In through the door burst Lewis Hammond.
"We've found another injured horse Dora", he said, "Needs your help."
"Oh you're a blasted nuisance" Dora replied. "You keep finding these horses, it's just more work for us you know."
"I'll sort it out" said Slugger," Come on Lewis, lets see what we can do, we've got a spare stable."

Next morning Ron and the Colonel arrived together, about 5a.m.
Ron was raring to go to work, the Colonel was raring to go to bed, having spent another night boogying with the ladies.

Slugger came jogging out of the house, off on another training session.
"See you later for work Ron" he said. "Morning Colonel."
Inside the house all that could be heard was the sound of Dora snoring.

The Doctor arrived Thursday on time.
The Colonel was just arriving in his sports car.
"How are things Colonel?" asked the Doctor.
"Oh absolutely fine" he replied, "Still partying all night long. Love the ladies you know. Just had my latest tattoo done."
"Tattoo?" asked the Doctor astonished.
"Oh yes" said the Colonel. "Well ,the first filly I went out with and fell for was called Elsie, so I had her name tattooed
on my arm. Then it was Betty, so she was tattooed on my other arm. It went on from there. When my arms were
full I had my back done as well" said the Colonel.
"How many have you got?" asked the Doctor.
"68" Said the Colonel. "Oh and I've got a Dimple on my left buttock and a Pimple on the right one."
"No problem" said the Doctor, "I can give you some cream for that."
"No you don't understand", the Colonel replied, "They're tattoos of ladies names as well."
"Good grief" said the Doctor.

"Well look, you're not as young as you was, partying all night every night. Can't carry on like this. Must slow
down, relax, enjoy the countryside."
The Doctor went into the house.
"Dora", he said," You're in big trouble. Results show your kidneys are in poor health, also your lungs. Must stop
smoking, drinking and not exercising otherwise you won't see 20. Get yourself active, you've got the farm to
keep you busy."

"Slugger", he said, "Your blood pressure is too high, you shouldn't be boxing at your age, It'll kill you. Give it up
and just act your age, help out at the farm as required, but don't overdo it."

"Ron, he said, you're working far too hard, you're all stressed out, a heart attacks just waiting to happen. Relax more,
take it easy, enjoy life, otherwise you could go at any minute."

"And Steve, your backs never going to get better just lounging about all day. The latest information about bad backs
is to keep working them otherwise you'll seize up, work your back not rest it is the new law. Plus you'll feel fitter and better.
so get active, plenty of work on the farm you can do."

"In other words" said the Doctor, "I need you all to be just the opposite to what you are now. It'll help me too
because I've applied to have my own Practice in Harley Street and the Medical Board are monitoring me closely before I can get it. So I need a good result here. Right, thats that then, I'll call back in 3 months to the day at 2.00 p.m. to
see how you're all getting on."

To be continued..........
Cut out the strong to help the weak

Offline pete.r.

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Re: Just the opposite
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2013, 12:02:15 AM »

                                Three Months Later

The doctor arrived on time. There was no one at the farm, just an old grey haired man wearing a flat cap
leaning on the gate.
"Anyone at home?" asked the Doctor. "I've called to see if they all took my advice."
"No one here " said the old man.
"Where's Dora?" asked the Doctor.
"Oh she tried to kick the drinking and smoking habit" came the reply," But after a few days she realised she
was too addicted. She's living in a flat in Leeds above a pub. So she's got brandy and fags on tap for breakfast,
dinner, tea and supper."
"Oh no" said the Doctor,"Thats not what I wanted, I wanted to cure her."

"What about Ron?"
"Oh he tried to slow down", said the old man," But then became a nervous wreck. He needs something to do you
see, he's a workaholic."
"Where is he now?" asked the Doctor.
"He still works here in the day, but now he's got a job working down the pit on regular nights as well."
"Oh no" said the Doctor," Thats not what I wanted, that'll kill him."

"What about Slugger?"
"Well he went back to the gym to tell his manager he was quitting. Soon as he saw the other boxers sparring
he realised it was in his blood, he couldn't stop. He had 4 fights last month, won them all. Next month he's
boxing Henry Cooper for the British Heavyweight Title."
"Oh no", said the Doctor, "He'll never survive at his age. It's all gone wrong, I wanted them to become just the opposite
of what they were, not to stay the same. I wanted that Harley Street job. What about the Colonel?"

"Ah, now, there's a bit of good news there."
"Oh wonderful, what is it?" said the Doctor.
"Well, the Colonels stopped all his late night partying and got married."
"Thats great news" said the Doctor.
"To seven different women" replied the old man.
"What!! He can't do that," said the Doctor," Thats Bigamy."
"Well", said the old man, "He decided if he couldn't carry on partying, at least this way he could have a different woman
every night of the week."
"Oh no" ,replied the Doctor"I've ruined everything, no chance of that job now."

"Don't you want to know about Steve, that good looking, intelligent , charming witty young man.?"
"Er, oh yes, whats he doing?"
The old man raised his arm up and took of his cap. Then he grabbed his grey hair and lifted it off.
It was a wig. There was dark hair underneath.
Then he tore the lifelike mask of his face.
It was Steve.

"Steve", stuttered the Doctor, "It's you, whats going on?"
"Just our little joke Doc," replied Steve.
"Dora", he shouted.
Dora came out of the house smiling. "I've stopped all the drinking and smoking" she said. "I'm putting all my energy
into the farm. I feel great."
"Thats wonderful" said the Doctor.

Then the Colonel rode up to them, looking 20 years younger.
"I'm acting my age now" he said, "Given my old lifestyle up. I'm busy helping Dora on the farm now."
"Oh marvellous" said the Doc.

"And I'm working really hard", said Steve "You were right Doc, the backs been no problem since."
"Thats fantastic", replied the Doctor. "And what about Ron and Slugger?"
Steve pointed to the barn, they were both sprawled out on the hay, relaxing.

"This is great", said Ron, "And I'm under Doctors orders, I love it".
"Me too" said Slugger, "No more boxing for me."

"I can't believe it" said the Doctor, "You're all just the opposite to what you were, I've succeeded. I'll get that
Harley Street job. I'm just going into the house to complete the paperwork."

Outside Steve and Dora were facing each other.
Their eyes met.
Dora looked lovingly at Steve and smiled.
"Steve", she said "I have to tell you I have feelings for you."
Steve looked down at the ground for a few seconds, then looked back up at Dora.
"I'm sorry Dora", he said, but I'm just the opposite. I don't have the same feelings for you. I'm so sorry."
"Me too," said Dora, as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Steve couldn't look at Dora. He had to turn away.
He walked over to the gate and grasped it firmly with both hands, looking at the ground.
He could hear Dora sobbing.
Steve was upset too.

Just then the Doctor came out of the house waving his paperwork in the air, oblivious as to what was happening
in the yard.
"Thats it" he said,"All done, everybody's been sorted out, everybody's happy. What a wonderful day, everythings
perfect, just perfect."

And he got in his car and drove off, passing the two sad, distraught figures of Dora at one end of the yard,
and Steve at the other end, both in tears.

                                                           THE END

Cut out the strong to help the weak